A to Z of the 80s - A is for All About That Hair

All About That Hair

by Jo Michelmore

Welcome back dear readers, to the second edition of what has now become the famous IMKOS A to Z (famous is relative). This time we're looking at everyones favourite decade whether you were there or not; the decade of decadence, synthesisers, rubix cubes, plastic jewellery, Frankie says, large shoulders, break dancing, MTV, Magnum PI, neon, Fido Dido, hypercolour, Care Bears and Gremlins...there's so much about it to love.


Welcome friends, to the 1980s.


Let's start the next 26 weeks with something that epitomises the 80s, because if there's one thing about the 80s, they were big and so was the hair, so take your bass straight back to where you found it Ms Trainor, A is for All About That Hair.


You wanna talk about hair? The 80s inspired an entire genre of music based on hair. The bygone glamorous era of big hair bands. Ask anyone who was there who was the best and you'll get a whole bunch of names; Def Leppard, Skid Row, Bon Jovi...the list goes on but my personal fave? Poison. There's some serious hairspray in that band.

You think they're irrelevant now? Don't be fooled, we all know Iggy Azalea is only one comb away from that big hair. And while she's pretending she's all fancy, we know she just wants nothin' but a good time.

Poor ol' Whitney (RIP) may have gone through a few phases in that career of hers, but she reached the height of heights (literally?) in the late 80s with some curls and at least a can of hairspray on her head. Maybe a can of mousse too. 

You think she's kind of irrelevant now? Don't be fooled. Every pop star in the world wishes they were a teeny bit more Whitney and Nicki Minaj is only a step away from a can of hairspray with those curls of hers. One more tease, add a touch of the mullet and bam, don't you wanna dance say you wanna dance don't you wanna dance.

Madonna needs to stop queen of pop's early 80s arch-nemesis Cyndi Lauper liked to mix it up a little. Colour it and shave it, then add the can of hairspray.

Cyndi didn't win the queen of pop title, but at least she doesn't get the 'needs to stop' added to the front of her name (thank you editor for my new way to refer to Madonna forevermore) but don't be fooled, Cyndi's influence is simply much more subtle than Madonna's. Skrillex may have taken her hair but it's actually his ex-girlfriend Ellie Goulding who learnt from Cyndi. After all, even with Cyndi's hair, Ellie knew Skrillex was a douche and girls just wanna have fun (etc).

Sweden has always been responsible for funny little trends. You know, like IKEA and Lykke Li and sandwich cakes, those funny little meatballs and that left leaning government...er, wait...in the 80s Sweden was all about short hair, a can of hairspray and Roxette.

It was the late 80s so the length was shortened, but don't be fooled, that didn't take away from the height. Miley of course thinks she can do everything one better so goes that little bit higher, which is fine, I just wish she'd try and follow their philosophies too and try to dress for success, as opposed to whatever her idea is.

I know Spandau Ballet must have had more than one hit, but I don't know what it was. I'm more interested in those clothes and how many cans of hairspray it took to do all five heads of hair.

Like every all boy group, there's an ugly one, a bad one, a boring one, a smart one and a talented one. Except I can't quite figure out which is which, in any group. Like those before them, we can all take solace in the fact that One Direction will be done soon, no matter how much they believe, they are not indestructible. Gold!

The Candy Shop #19

BRING BACK THE BRASS!

For Fans Of A Big Horn

by Nayt Housman

It was big in the ‘30s/‘40s/’50s then flopped, was revived in the ‘80s then went soft for a while until a revival in the ‘90s. Will it grow again? Has it returned? Is it still too daggy because your dad liked it?


Today in The Candy Shop I endeavour to find out, as I share my love affair of the toots and honks of a good brass horn (aka saxophone, trumpet or any other brassy tooting instrument) over the last 60-ish years. So go to the closet, pull out your old horn and dust it off ready for some action. PAAAAARRRRRRRRP!


The jazz era was big on big band brass and oh what an era it was. I wouldn’t be privy to it’s glory had I not purchased one of those cheesy box set of “jazz classics” which introduced me to such delights as these…

The Peacocks 

by Bill Evans Trio featuring Stan Getz

I remember hearing this for the first time and getting major chills. Stunning piece, so classy and sad.

Salt Peanuts 
by Dizzy Gillespie 

Lunacy! Pure lunacy. I LOVE IT!

Brass seemed to have faded away mostly until it was again adopted in the 80s bigger, better and cheesier than ever. Cheesy is not a swear word! Everyone loves a cheesy horn…

Smooth Operator 

by Sade

Oh lordy cheeses sliced! Does pop really get much better than this? Not only is Sade one of the most beautiful women in the world with one of the sexiest voices ever but man she made the right decision to include tootingly good brass in this song.

Bakers Street 

by Gerry Rafferty

This is actually the first song I remember hearing and thinking “Wow! Saxophone is AWESOME!” What a classic.

Careless Whisper 

by George Michael

George you’ve featured quite a lot in The Candy Shop lately but really who can resist you? (Except for cops in public toilets you’re cruising.) Faux pas aside this is some great sex…errrr sax.

Chant No.1 

by Spandau Ballet

I learnt of this song working in my shitty retail job. The one benefit of shitty retail (particularly in my place of employment) is the amazing (this is subjective) music I keep discovering.

Never Tear Us Apart 

by INXS 

A beautiful song, a beautiful man, a beautiful horn…solo.

Hail the 90s! You may not have noticed much tooting during this decade but it’s surely there, especially with the ska revival (remember No Doubt and well, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones). Also there’s Kenny G though lets try not to think about him too hard. Kenny G = Bad Cheese.

Break In The Weather 

 by Jenny Morris

This is one of my all time fave songs. The sax, the floating lips, giant eye, trumpeting ventriloquist dummy and OH the dancing! The fist-pumps beside her face are my fave moves. You are so classy Jenny…so classy indeed.

Bathwater 

by No Doubt

Were No Doubt responsible for reviving the horn section in the 90s? WHO CARES! I only care how awesome this song (and the album Tragic Kingdom) were and that they reintroduced me to some gold shiny brassy goodness. I was hardly going to credit The Mighty Mighty Bosstones.

History Repeating 

by The Propellerheads ft. Shirley Bassey

Combining old and new, Bassy and brassy never sounded so good.

00s and beyond and my love of the horn only grows stronger, however, apart from the odd Gaga or Katy Perry track, it’s still not a common element to current pop music.

Lady 

by Regina Spektor

This was never a single but by far one of my favourite Regina Spektor songs. Her Brooklyn accent, touching lyrics and simple piano combined with one of the most emotional sax sections I’ve ever heard. Music needn’t be complicated to be pure perfection.

Only Here For The Fight 

by Jenny Wilson 

Highly underrated and incredibly talented, Jenny Wilson combines the perfect amount of quirk with comedy and well, brass. Rather than incorporating it as a specific solo the brass slowly creeps in toward the end until it crescendos then slowly fades. Gorgeooooous.

Never Again 

by Spender

This dashing Australian saxophonist is not only good for a blow but is a craftsman of some deliciously poptastic tunes. One I will be keeping my ears closely tuned to.

Aeroplane 

by Bjork

There is no way I could leave out Bjork. Always the one to go against the grain and in this song pretty much dominated by it’s horn section is definitely a fave from this impish lil fire cracker.
It’s funny how a single instrument can make you fall in love with an entire song. 

I always say to get into new music it either has to be a simply amazing song or it needs to have what I call an “in”. A single element to connect with, that opens me up to the whole song, that may not always be within my realm of taste but for me the brass section, specifically a good bit of sax has been my 'in' for so many great songs. Now excuse me while I go play with my horn.

*We are aware sax is actually a woodwind instrument but for the sake of this post if it toots and honks and is made of brass it qualifies.

The Candy Shop #13

How could Nayt, or anyone for that matter, resist a snake print jacket?

Music Lessons 

by Nayt Housman

Have you ever eaten something as an adult that you hated as a kid only to find you actually love it and can’t believe you ever lived without it? Like at Christmas last year I discovered I actually like cherries but used to think they tasted like sweet crushed bugs or like I discovered that condensed milk is actually delicious and doesn’t taste anything like the mayonnaise I thought it looked like.

It’s strange how aging opens up worlds previously considered closed, just like the 80's for me. This era fed us some of the most kitch music and it's pop culture celebrated all things bold and quirky. Until I reached the ripe old age of 30 I thought all things 80’s should be avoided and treated if infected because I associated it with all the wrong things in that era. Then bit-by-bit I discovered new parts of the 80’s that sang to me like the sirens of the deep sea (especially New Wave and New Romantics). Slowly I started desiring a perm and geometric fluorescent clothing designs. Why had I been so against this amazing era?

Well kids it’s time to tease up that fringe and put on your thinking caps because its 80's trivia night. Let’s get schooled!

Q: What 1984 song inspired the name of a chain of 1980's themed clubs in the UK? 

A: The Reflex by Duran Duran  

 

 

Duran Duran became quite well known for the sexual nature of their music and videos and regularly worked with fashion designers, giving them the title 'the prettiest boys in rock'.

  
Q: What 1984 single caused controversy when the accompanying advertising featured photos of two members, one in a sailor cap and vest, the other with shaved head and rubber gloves with slogans like 'all the nice boys love sea men' and 'theories of bliss, a history of Liverpool from 1963 to 1983, a guide to Amsterdam bars'?

A: Those dirty boys from Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

 

The boys were not short of confidence either stating that “Frankie Goes to Hollywood are coming ... making Duran Duran lick the shit off their shoes ... Nineteen inches that must be taken always."

Q: Which 1980 song (which itself was a top ten UK hit) was the inspiration for Depeche Mode’s ‘Just Can’t Get Enough’? 

A: To Cut A Long Story Short by Spandau Ballet

 

 

The band began as “The Cut” then changed their name to “The Makers” before finally settling on “Spandau Ballet” when a friend saw the name scribbled on the wall of a nightclub toilet in Berlin. The name refers to the way victims in Spandau Prison would wriggle and jiggle when hanged.

Next time you hear a song you hate, ask yourself why, but never write it off totally because you might just find yourself in love or even obsessed with it and start collecting records and CD’s and trying to convince your friends why Spandau Ballet is better than the Beatles without actually having any stats to back it up.

 

It's All Coming Back To Me Now - Spandau Ballet vs The Beatles

Spandau Ballet in all their 80's glory

VS 

The Beatles in a field....

....who wins?

It's All Coming Back To Me Now - 

The Ballet vs The Beatles: The Battle

by Jo Michelmore

This week, a very good friend of mine and a good friend of its my kind of scene posed an interesting question via their facebook status. Let me tell you what that question was:

“How were Spandau Ballet not bigger than the shitty Beatles?” 

Well, you know, how could I let that question sit? It’s not often you get asked the big questions in life, so it only seems appropriate that I help my gorgeous friend and you, dear readers, answer such an important question. Let’s look at this seriously. How were Spandau Ballet not bigger than the shitty(?!) Beatles. I don't know. Maybe we should look at a few things and hand out some points. For those who aren't aware, Spandau Ballet were an 80's new romantic pop band. Chances are, you've heard of The Beatles. See, automatically The Beatles should get a point and I haven't even mentioned the fact that Spandau Ballet were named after a piece of graffiti on the back of a toilet door (which should automatically give The Beatles another point). There’s also this…

Spandau Ballet 

While Spandau Ballet spent their career writing high school type rhyming lyrics like these: 

“Gold….always believe in your soul…”

 

….The Beatles were busy earning gold records. The Beatles sold 1.6 billion records. I don't even know how many gold that makes, but I'm sure that’s a lot of gold records. Even their simplest pop songs had better-er lyrics than our Spandau friends…

“It’s been a hard day’s night…”

See?

 

Spandau Ballet 0 vs The Beatles 1

Spandau Ballet have been playing, on and off, for fifteen years. In that time, they released seven albums. From their seventh album, lets look at this track, including the simplistic;

“I just want to take us back to where we belong, we were so hot and we were oh so strong”

Um….vomit…..?

 

….while The Beatles played for only ten years, they released twelve albums. Just on numbers alone they win, but then there’s a track from their seventh album, which includes the beautiful rhyming lyrics; 

“Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name, nobody came...
Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave, no one was saved”

Lyrical storytelling perfection. Sigh.

 

Spandau Ballet 0 vs The Beatles 2

Spandau Ballet looked like this:

The Beatles looked like this:

…ok, so no one wins that one. 

We’re still at Spandau Ballet 0 vs The Beatles 2

One more then. Spandau Ballet wrote this piece of b-grade boredom about that super big topic, love. It contains these lyrics, which could have been written by either a) a fourteen year old girl or b) a fifty-two year old man.

“Love is all that we know, so why don't you show, that love can change your heart” 

 

While The Beatles wrote this song, probably one of their definitive songs, about the same topic.

“All you need is love, love is all you need” 

So simple. So true. 

Final Score: Spandau Ballet 0 vs The Beatles 3

So there you go dear readers (and my fabulously attractive and incredibly beautiful friend). If we are talking Spandau Ballet vs The Beatles, then The Beatles win. My extremely fair points system can't be wrong. How were Spandau Ballet not bigger than the shitty Beatles? Not to take anything away from cheesy 80's pop, which is amazing all on it's own, Spandau were not bigger than The Beatles, because, ummmmm, The Beatles were better. Better at writing pop songs. And probably marketing too. That's why.

Which is not to say I don't have that goddamn "goooold....!" line stuck in my head. Damn you Spandau!