A to Z of the 80s - H is for Hairy, Huey and...

...Hello

by Jo Michelmore

We're up to week eight in this alphabet already and I feel I should let you, dear readers, know that I can't take entire credit for the A to Z of the 80s. Every week, I chat to certain friends and family who are well versed in all things 80s and ask them; who needs to appear in this A to Z, who can I not possibly miss and what do you think (insert letter here) should stand for? This week, I've had a couple of suggestions, so I dedicate H to those who help me every week and of course, you dear reader, which  could be one and the same.


The first suggestion for H was hairy. The 80s had a thing for hair and not just on top of ones head like I discussed in A, but in various other places too. The king of 80s hair though, is a tough call between this guy...

Prince, who didn't have a lot of chest hair, but really liked to accentuate it with frills and low cut shirts and I have to appreciate someone who makes fashion work like that...

...or this guy, Paul Stanley, the front man of KISS, who had enough chest hair for three or four big hair bands. Whatta babe. If you're into that. Me not so.


Someone who wasn't so well known for his hirsute appearance, but did sport an impressive bouffant (i have possibly just used two of my all time favourite words in one sentence), was Huey Lewis. He had band called The News. And a whole career before Gwyneth Paltrow.

That song was from Back To The Future, which was one of the biggest films of the 80s and also featured a line I have been known to repeat at inopportune times, which can be particularly annoying repeated in the car on long road trips.

Like this song, which also has a line I like to repeat and is slightly annoying, because it means I can't say the word "hello" to anyone without hearing those other six words that follow. The friend who suggested this song can attest to that.

As annoying as that is, I can't hate it too much. After all, it's responsible for one of the greatest street posters, of all time.

No Lionel, I'm not, but thanks for asking.

A to Z of the 80s - G is for Gag Me With A Spoon

Enough Said

by Jo Michelmore

My love of Eurovision is well documented and many messages from many friends today brought me the news that Guy Sebastian is going to represent Australia in Eurovision 2015. Yes, well, speaking of things that have me proclaiming "Gag me with a spoon!" the 80s weren't all good either. The years between 1980 and 1989 weren't all sequins and chardonnay and power ballads and Colors by Benetton and prawn cocktails and mix tapes and Ray Ban Wayfarers and Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure, you know. Some of it was awful. So people came up with sayings like "gag me with a spoon" in the 80s, because, I suppose, what else would you say when..


...the 80s was the decade that spawned Axl Rose of Guns N Roses. Those pants. The padlocks. The belt that isn't a mesh window, thank goodness.


Gag me with a spoon.  Enough said.

They were also the years that gave us George Michael. "I will be your father figure, put your tiny hand in mine..." And the hair. On his head and his face.


Gag me with a spoon. Enough said.

The 80s were also responsible for this guy, Glen Mederios. Like a younger, cheesier, less attractive version of Ricky Martin. And those pants. And that unbuttoned shirt.


Gag me with a spoon. Enough said.

And in case you're still not convinced, the 80s were also responsible for Gene Simmons, who still has the self importance of a whiter, longer tongued version of Kanye.


Gag me with a spoon. Enough said.

 

Which brings me back to my original point. Guy Sebastian. Eurovision. And when it was announced he was going to be participating, he was wearing this denim-on-denim-on-denim ensemble.

Which is straight outta the late 80s, which is the decade that spawned the saying that came out of my mouth when the Eurovision-Guy news landed on my phone over and over again this morning.


Gag me with a spoon. Enough said.

A to Z of the 80s - F is for Fight!

And The Real Winner Is Music

by Jo Michelmore

In 2015 we like to pretend Taylor Swift and Katy Perry have some kind of epic feud and Azealia hates Iggy and Kanye likes to argue with anyone at any award ceremony given the chance, but I have decided the best battles happened in the 80s. No, not Michael v Prince, not Tiffany v Debbie, not even Russia v the US of A, the best fights were fought with a soundtrack. Because everything was a lot simpler in the 80s. No poorly spelt apology tweets. In the 80s, there was only one way to resolve a fight. And that was by dance.
 

In 83, Michael Jackson was just chillin at home in his keyboard t shirt when the neighbourhood gangs had enough of each other’s toothpick chewing ways and decided to fight, by holding hands and knives. Thank goodness for Michael and his orange leather jacket or the constant spinning and ineffectual flailing of weapons may never have stopped. 

It happened again in 87 when Michael was innocently prancing through the mysteriously empty subway with his pack of acid wash clad youths, when they stumbled across a ticket inspector demanding to see their proof of fare. No ticket no journey. Well they weren’t standing for that and a fight with the authorities turned into a dance battle involving the splits, roller skates and black leather. Thank goodness for MJ’s crotch grabbing talents, which put the inspectors off, or he would have faced a $30 fine. Except it was probably only $5.50 in the 80s.

 
Fighting must run in the Jackson family, because in 89 Janet was also pretty serious about her battles. She formed an entire army of dancers in ‘Rhythm Nation’ who were clearly pulled together to fight the common enemy…nations with no rhythm? 

All Pat Benatar wanted to do in 83 was hang out with her underage boyfriend, cut her pretty dresses into rags, dance with her strumpet friends and wear every accessory in her wardrobe, at the same time. But sleazy white vest wearing men wanted to get in her way. As they did in the 80s. Thank goodness for Pat, her manic arm movements and boob waggling ways. No gold toothed man could stand in her way. 

   

And in 87, one of the greatest musical genre fights of all time was fought. All Aerosmith wanted to do was rock and all Run DMC wanted to do was rap. Thank goodness for the hip swinging and somersaulting that Steven Tyler performed and the tricky double high-five above his head that Run DMC pulled off and the classic fight of hip hop vs rock was won. By music. Yes.

A to Z of the 80s - E is for Europe

The band. Not the place. 

by Jo Michelmore

I've always thought being in a band required a certain amount of ego. You write music, you play music and expecting people to be entertained by it takes a certain amount of self-confidence (and we already know what you look like so stop pretending to be shy, yes I'm talking to you Sia). The ultimate egos were probably in the 80s, being the decade of decadence and all. Ego and decadence go hand in hand. This can be evidenced by the naming of ones band and I see no bigger ego than naming yourself after an entire place.


Boston named themselves after the city they were from.

Lucky they weren't from this place in Pennsylvania.

Considering they are named after my favourite city ever in the world, I'm not sure why Berlin are not my favourite band ever.

Oh wait, that's why.

Chicago named themselves after the same place Oprah is from. That's all that city is known for, right?

But even Chicago itself is hoping for something better. They won't even give her an actual street name, just an honorary one.

And probably as egotistical as Oprah, naming themselves after an entire continent rather than a simple place, were the Swedish band, Europe.

And yes, you'll now have that keyboard riff stuck in your head for a good 48 hours. You're welcome. Just be thankful it's not the Dannii Minogue version.

A to Z of the 80s - A is for All About That Hair

All About That Hair

by Jo Michelmore

Welcome back dear readers, to the second edition of what has now become the famous IMKOS A to Z (famous is relative). This time we're looking at everyones favourite decade whether you were there or not; the decade of decadence, synthesisers, rubix cubes, plastic jewellery, Frankie says, large shoulders, break dancing, MTV, Magnum PI, neon, Fido Dido, hypercolour, Care Bears and Gremlins...there's so much about it to love.


Welcome friends, to the 1980s.


Let's start the next 26 weeks with something that epitomises the 80s, because if there's one thing about the 80s, they were big and so was the hair, so take your bass straight back to where you found it Ms Trainor, A is for All About That Hair.


You wanna talk about hair? The 80s inspired an entire genre of music based on hair. The bygone glamorous era of big hair bands. Ask anyone who was there who was the best and you'll get a whole bunch of names; Def Leppard, Skid Row, Bon Jovi...the list goes on but my personal fave? Poison. There's some serious hairspray in that band.

You think they're irrelevant now? Don't be fooled, we all know Iggy Azalea is only one comb away from that big hair. And while she's pretending she's all fancy, we know she just wants nothin' but a good time.

Poor ol' Whitney (RIP) may have gone through a few phases in that career of hers, but she reached the height of heights (literally?) in the late 80s with some curls and at least a can of hairspray on her head. Maybe a can of mousse too. 

You think she's kind of irrelevant now? Don't be fooled. Every pop star in the world wishes they were a teeny bit more Whitney and Nicki Minaj is only a step away from a can of hairspray with those curls of hers. One more tease, add a touch of the mullet and bam, don't you wanna dance say you wanna dance don't you wanna dance.

Madonna needs to stop queen of pop's early 80s arch-nemesis Cyndi Lauper liked to mix it up a little. Colour it and shave it, then add the can of hairspray.

Cyndi didn't win the queen of pop title, but at least she doesn't get the 'needs to stop' added to the front of her name (thank you editor for my new way to refer to Madonna forevermore) but don't be fooled, Cyndi's influence is simply much more subtle than Madonna's. Skrillex may have taken her hair but it's actually his ex-girlfriend Ellie Goulding who learnt from Cyndi. After all, even with Cyndi's hair, Ellie knew Skrillex was a douche and girls just wanna have fun (etc).

Sweden has always been responsible for funny little trends. You know, like IKEA and Lykke Li and sandwich cakes, those funny little meatballs and that left leaning government...er, wait...in the 80s Sweden was all about short hair, a can of hairspray and Roxette.

It was the late 80s so the length was shortened, but don't be fooled, that didn't take away from the height. Miley of course thinks she can do everything one better so goes that little bit higher, which is fine, I just wish she'd try and follow their philosophies too and try to dress for success, as opposed to whatever her idea is.

I know Spandau Ballet must have had more than one hit, but I don't know what it was. I'm more interested in those clothes and how many cans of hairspray it took to do all five heads of hair.

Like every all boy group, there's an ugly one, a bad one, a boring one, a smart one and a talented one. Except I can't quite figure out which is which, in any group. Like those before them, we can all take solace in the fact that One Direction will be done soon, no matter how much they believe, they are not indestructible. Gold!