A to Z of the 80s - G is for Gag Me With A Spoon

Enough Said

by Jo Michelmore

My love of Eurovision is well documented and many messages from many friends today brought me the news that Guy Sebastian is going to represent Australia in Eurovision 2015. Yes, well, speaking of things that have me proclaiming "Gag me with a spoon!" the 80s weren't all good either. The years between 1980 and 1989 weren't all sequins and chardonnay and power ballads and Colors by Benetton and prawn cocktails and mix tapes and Ray Ban Wayfarers and Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure, you know. Some of it was awful. So people came up with sayings like "gag me with a spoon" in the 80s, because, I suppose, what else would you say when..


...the 80s was the decade that spawned Axl Rose of Guns N Roses. Those pants. The padlocks. The belt that isn't a mesh window, thank goodness.


Gag me with a spoon.  Enough said.

They were also the years that gave us George Michael. "I will be your father figure, put your tiny hand in mine..." And the hair. On his head and his face.


Gag me with a spoon. Enough said.

The 80s were also responsible for this guy, Glen Mederios. Like a younger, cheesier, less attractive version of Ricky Martin. And those pants. And that unbuttoned shirt.


Gag me with a spoon. Enough said.

And in case you're still not convinced, the 80s were also responsible for Gene Simmons, who still has the self importance of a whiter, longer tongued version of Kanye.


Gag me with a spoon. Enough said.

 

Which brings me back to my original point. Guy Sebastian. Eurovision. And when it was announced he was going to be participating, he was wearing this denim-on-denim-on-denim ensemble.

Which is straight outta the late 80s, which is the decade that spawned the saying that came out of my mouth when the Eurovision-Guy news landed on my phone over and over again this morning.


Gag me with a spoon. Enough said.

The Candy Shop #19

BRING BACK THE BRASS!

For Fans Of A Big Horn

by Nayt Housman

It was big in the ‘30s/‘40s/’50s then flopped, was revived in the ‘80s then went soft for a while until a revival in the ‘90s. Will it grow again? Has it returned? Is it still too daggy because your dad liked it?


Today in The Candy Shop I endeavour to find out, as I share my love affair of the toots and honks of a good brass horn (aka saxophone, trumpet or any other brassy tooting instrument) over the last 60-ish years. So go to the closet, pull out your old horn and dust it off ready for some action. PAAAAARRRRRRRRP!


The jazz era was big on big band brass and oh what an era it was. I wouldn’t be privy to it’s glory had I not purchased one of those cheesy box set of “jazz classics” which introduced me to such delights as these…

The Peacocks 

by Bill Evans Trio featuring Stan Getz

I remember hearing this for the first time and getting major chills. Stunning piece, so classy and sad.

Salt Peanuts 
by Dizzy Gillespie 

Lunacy! Pure lunacy. I LOVE IT!

Brass seemed to have faded away mostly until it was again adopted in the 80s bigger, better and cheesier than ever. Cheesy is not a swear word! Everyone loves a cheesy horn…

Smooth Operator 

by Sade

Oh lordy cheeses sliced! Does pop really get much better than this? Not only is Sade one of the most beautiful women in the world with one of the sexiest voices ever but man she made the right decision to include tootingly good brass in this song.

Bakers Street 

by Gerry Rafferty

This is actually the first song I remember hearing and thinking “Wow! Saxophone is AWESOME!” What a classic.

Careless Whisper 

by George Michael

George you’ve featured quite a lot in The Candy Shop lately but really who can resist you? (Except for cops in public toilets you’re cruising.) Faux pas aside this is some great sex…errrr sax.

Chant No.1 

by Spandau Ballet

I learnt of this song working in my shitty retail job. The one benefit of shitty retail (particularly in my place of employment) is the amazing (this is subjective) music I keep discovering.

Never Tear Us Apart 

by INXS 

A beautiful song, a beautiful man, a beautiful horn…solo.

Hail the 90s! You may not have noticed much tooting during this decade but it’s surely there, especially with the ska revival (remember No Doubt and well, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones). Also there’s Kenny G though lets try not to think about him too hard. Kenny G = Bad Cheese.

Break In The Weather 

 by Jenny Morris

This is one of my all time fave songs. The sax, the floating lips, giant eye, trumpeting ventriloquist dummy and OH the dancing! The fist-pumps beside her face are my fave moves. You are so classy Jenny…so classy indeed.

Bathwater 

by No Doubt

Were No Doubt responsible for reviving the horn section in the 90s? WHO CARES! I only care how awesome this song (and the album Tragic Kingdom) were and that they reintroduced me to some gold shiny brassy goodness. I was hardly going to credit The Mighty Mighty Bosstones.

History Repeating 

by The Propellerheads ft. Shirley Bassey

Combining old and new, Bassy and brassy never sounded so good.

00s and beyond and my love of the horn only grows stronger, however, apart from the odd Gaga or Katy Perry track, it’s still not a common element to current pop music.

Lady 

by Regina Spektor

This was never a single but by far one of my favourite Regina Spektor songs. Her Brooklyn accent, touching lyrics and simple piano combined with one of the most emotional sax sections I’ve ever heard. Music needn’t be complicated to be pure perfection.

Only Here For The Fight 

by Jenny Wilson 

Highly underrated and incredibly talented, Jenny Wilson combines the perfect amount of quirk with comedy and well, brass. Rather than incorporating it as a specific solo the brass slowly creeps in toward the end until it crescendos then slowly fades. Gorgeooooous.

Never Again 

by Spender

This dashing Australian saxophonist is not only good for a blow but is a craftsman of some deliciously poptastic tunes. One I will be keeping my ears closely tuned to.

Aeroplane 

by Bjork

There is no way I could leave out Bjork. Always the one to go against the grain and in this song pretty much dominated by it’s horn section is definitely a fave from this impish lil fire cracker.
It’s funny how a single instrument can make you fall in love with an entire song. 

I always say to get into new music it either has to be a simply amazing song or it needs to have what I call an “in”. A single element to connect with, that opens me up to the whole song, that may not always be within my realm of taste but for me the brass section, specifically a good bit of sax has been my 'in' for so many great songs. Now excuse me while I go play with my horn.

*We are aware sax is actually a woodwind instrument but for the sake of this post if it toots and honks and is made of brass it qualifies.

The Candy Shop #17

Supermodel Dysmorphia (It's Real, Guarantee)

by Nayt Housman

When people ask me about the ‘90s and what influence it had on me there’s usually one word that would come to mind first, “Supermodel”. Let’s face it; I was an awkward kid/teen in this decade of glamazons and when I didn’t feel so glamorous myself I escaped into their world. I was (if you ask me) most like Linda Evangelista and would spend hours looking at photos of her and pretending to be her and when I think about it, her ability to morph her image for which she was dubbed “The Chameleon” still has influence on me now.


These bitches were fierce! They had attitude, everyone wanted to be them, be with them or know them and many obsessed over them. I would draw them, imagine them as my best friends and secretly dress up like them, pretending to be them, while posing in the mirror. I would even edit photos of myself to look like them. Crackers? I doubt it…


Sure a psychologist would probably have a field day going through my case file and hopefully I’d be diagnosed with “Supermodel dysmorphia” (it’s real I guarantee) but I knew I was as fabulous and fierce, I just needed someone to discover me so I wouldn’t have to get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day.

Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

featuring Helena Christensen

 

 

Another musician introduced to me by my father, Wicked Game was released in ’89 but didn’t become a hit until its feature in some movie in ’90. It featured a young and topless Helena Christensen frolicking on the beach with Chris while he manhandled her and groped her neck with his lips (lucky girl). 

Freedom '90 by George Michael 

featuring Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista, Christy Turlington, Tatjana Patitz, and Cindy Crawford and some hot no-name male models.

Oh George did you think you were kidding us? You were lusting after the male models while gushing over how pretty the girls are and how much you wanted to wear their outfits. I’m not judging. I feel the same way…

Too Funky by George Michael 

featuring Linda Evangelista, Nadja Auermann, Tyra Banks and others that don’t matter.

When you’re onto something good, keep the ball rolling. George was obviously as obsessed with Supermodels as I was it’s just that he had the cash to splash and the celebrity status to make them his best friends. Kudos to you George… kudos… you jerk. One day Linda will know me.

I’m Not Perfect (But I’m Perfect For You) by Grace Jones  

featuring Grace Jones and Andy Warhol. 

 

Now this fox knows what she got. I know her heyday was during the 80’s mostly but I wasn’t aware of her until the ‘90s. Grace features probably one of my fave ever models in almost all her music clips, HERSELF! Grace Jones don’t need no models because she can get pop culture icons to appear in her video’s because, well, she is one herself. “Oh hi there Andy Warhol.”


Grace my Queen, I am forever in your debt because you said, “Fuck you!” to the world and became famous along the way. Gushhhh.


Although many musicians are still featuring models in their video clips these days it rarely has the impact it once did when “high paid clothes horses” had the industry in their hands and could sell just about anything with a flutter of their lashes and a “come hither” sideways glance.


Supermodels of the ‘90s RESPECT! Now where did I put my wig and heels?

It's All Coming Back To Me Now - The Wedding Of The Century....Or 1988, At Least.

Well, who was John looking at during the first kiss...?



Lyndal and John, What Went Wrong?

by Jo Michelmore

Chatting on a friends balcony recently, we were discussing his latest aqquisition from one of his op shop missions; this time it wasn't a new/old piece of fabulous clothing, not a new pair of shoes, not even a new retro decorative item for his already stylish house. This time, his grand purchase was a champagne glass. Not just any champagne glass. This one was special. Engraved. Engraved with two names...Lyndal and John. 1988.

Oh Lyndal and John, what went wrong? You were such a lovely couple, how can things have turned so sour? Who were Lyndal and John? Oh, I don't know, but things must have turned bad for them right? If they were still married then the champagne glasses from their wedding wouldn't have ended up at an opshop, right? Right.

Their wedding day, 1988. What a beautiful day it would have been. So many puffy sleeves, so many unnatural fibres, so much hair. Lots of big big hair. LOTS of teased hair. So let's think about this, if it all went wrong, is it because they listened to too much music in 1988, or not enough?


When they met, maybe Lyndall thought it was cute, John yelling out his car window at her but Lyndal probably didn't realise John had taken Billy Ocean's words

"Get outta my dreams, get into my car
Get outta my dreams, get in the back seat baby"

and yelled them at her three bridesmaids as well....

 

Maybe John, on the other hand, thought Lyndal was someone she wasn't. Just because she was the last one he invited to the backseat of her car didn't mean she'd not seen any other backseats. After all,  Lyndal was a big fan of Samantha Fox and liked to live her life by her words, then she met John...

"Temporary love's so bad, but it feels so good
Then along came you, now I know it's true
Naughty girls need love...too"

 

Love does strange things to people and somehow, Lyndal and John worked out, for a couple of years there. Maybe it was the thought of Phil Collins words during their first wedding dance that kept them together for a few years.

"When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do
Is take a look at you, then I'm not so blue.... 

We got a groovy kind of love"

 

So what tore them apart? Maybe John realised he'd made a terrible mistake. While Lyndal was a cute chick, maybe it was something else John was looking for all along, and that was something Lyndal just couldn't be. George Michael knew exactly what kind of person John was looking for

"I will be your father figure, put your tiny hand in mine
I will be your preacher teacher, anything you have in mind"

 

Or maybe it was Lyndal, she married so young, but all she wanted was some time to decide what she was doing with her life. If only she'd listened to Kylie more.

"I've got to be, got to be certain
I've got to be so sure, I've had my share of hearts broken
And I don't wanna take that any more"

 

Still, it doesn't matter what happened, or why it happened; all that matters is that John and Lyndal went on to find what they wanted, when they wanted, where they wanted it. As long as they ended up happy, who cares where their wedding flutes ended up? Like Fairground Attraction said in that fateful year of 1988, whoever they ended up with, as long as they ended up happy, everything ended perfectly...

"It's got to be perfect, it's got to be worth it, yeah.
Too many people take second best
But I won't take anything less, it's got to be, yeah

Perfect"

 

It's All Coming Back To Me Now - We All Love The Clap

George Michael: Still going for the clap today... what?

WE ALL LOVE THE CLAP

by Jo Michelmore

Following on from the ‘whistling’ vintage post of last week, I was this week inspired by the delicious Ruby and the Rib Cage performing ‘The Clapping Song’, which reminded me of another feature in songs I’m a fan of: the clap. Everyone loves the clap, right? What is there not to love? You’re listening along pleasantly and then bam – surprise – clap! Sometimes double clap! Sometimes weird rhythmical clap! Sometimes solid beat keeping clap! I love being at a gig and listening to an audience try and keep time with the clap, or lose time, or never have time with the clap. I love participating in the clap. In honour of the clap, this week we look at some vintage songs featuring various types of claps.



The Supremes – Where Did Our Love Go, 1964

Ok, so there’s not a huge amount of clapping in this one, but it starts with clapping, so it seemed appropriate to start our collection with it and it was an excuse to feature The Supremes. 1960’s, this is true vintage and The Supremes first number one, although, it wasn’t the first time they’d clapped hands. Part of the legend of The Supremes involves them convincing Motown execs they could do background vocals and claps for other Motown artists like Marvin Gaye, in order to get themselves signed to the legendary label. Wow, without those handclaps where would music be today? Without Beyoncé? Without Rihanna? Without Christina? Unthinkable. Who knows?



Stealers Wheels - Stuck In The Middle With You, 1972

Who were Stealers Wheels anyway and who’d heard of them before Reservoir Dogs? Some people alive in the early ‘70’s I suppose. This one has some of my favourite type of clapping – the single clap followed by the double clap. Although the lyrics could apply to so many situations, I love the fact that it was apparently written by Gerry Rafferty and Joe Egan after a dinner at a restaurant where they were literally sat between record executives and producers doing business, hence the lyric; “….clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you”. No! Music industry execs being referred to as clowns and jokers? Surely not! That’s genius. Clap. Clap clap.


Queen and David Bowie - Under Pressure, 1982

Completely indulging here. Even though it was top ten in countless countries and supposedly performed at every single Queen concert between ‘82 and ‘86, this is not the best of either Queen or David Bowie’s back catalogues, but it was a total excuse to feature two of my favourite artists in one hit and it also features the clap as well as the click. Amazing combination talent there. Clap, click, clap, click, bass line. Genius. It’s also one of my favourite road trip songs as it features the scream out loud in the car with the windows up or down while drumming on the steering wheel lyric; “(deep breath) love's such an old fashioned word and (deep breath) love dares you to care for the people on the (deep breath) edge of the light and love dares you (deep breath) to change our way of caring about ourselves (deep breath) this is our last dance this is our last dance (deep breath) this is ourselves, under pressure…” and then it ends with the clap, click, clap, click. Yes, Bowie, yes Freddie, yes. Perfect.


George Michael - Faith, 1987

Faith. When I think of the late ‘80’s, this is one of the songs I think of. Such an iconic song at the time it was from George’s first solo record and the clip features some of the most distinctive images of the 1980’s; the jukebox, the blue stilettos, the blue ripped jeans, the leather jacket, the unshaven George. All of that and it’s got the clap. The song that is, not George. This one’s got a variation on my fave combination, the double clap followed by the single. So catchy. So cheesy. Love it.


Madonna - Like A Prayer, 1989

We couldn’t visit the late ‘80’s without mentioning Madonna. That’s just not possible. This song and clip were so controversial at the time, the lyrics with their sexual innuendo in combination with religious tones, the black Jesus in the clip, Madonna lounging around a church in a skimpy dress, ok, so it’s not weird or confronting now, but this was the 80’s. (Without Madonna doing this we’d never have had as much ass in clips as we do now. You should be thankful for this. ) The best part of all though, of course, is the gospel choir kicking in toward the end, clapping like there’s no tomorrow and Madonna in the clip, facing them, clapping along herself. This is 80’s awesome. 


OutKast - Hey Ya! 2003

I was reminded of this song a couple of weekends ago while participating in a little karaoke. There’s clapping all the way through this song. It’s catchy and I still love it, but at karaoke, instead of clapping, I slammed a tambourine into my leg for four minutes. My leg bruised, which taught me the important lesson; tambourines are good but clapping? Clapping rules. Got it? Itsmykindofscene – we love the clap. Er, what?

Top 100 Songs of the 1980s, #40 - 31

Another day, ten more awesome 80s classics for you to enjoy. Rock ballads galore, the King of Pop in his prime and a tune that will leave you feeling Glee-ful are all part of this edition of the ultimate 80s countdown. Please, try to contain your excitement...

#40 - The Flame (1988)

by Cheap Trick

Oh yeah! Do you not feel just a little bit happier after hearing 'The Flame?'

#39 - Love Is A Battlefield (1983)

by Pat Benatar

What happened to Pat Benatar? She was huge in the 1980s... where did she go? What is she doing now? Oh... apparently she's just been in Australia doing a tour with The Bangles. Good for her.

#38 - Alone (1987)

by Heart

Now won't ya, Barracuda! Wait, wrong song. TILL NOW... I ALWAYS GOT BY ON MY OWN!!! Much better.

#37 - Should I Stay or Should I Go (1982)

by The Clash

#36 - Beat It (1983)

by Michael Jackson

And to think, no one thought he'd be able to pull off rock and roll... He did. And he did it extremely well.

#35 - Don't Stop Believin' (1981)

by Journey

It was always good, it was always popular, but Glee turned 'Don't Stop Believin' into a pop culture phenomenon. Kudos.

#34 - Careless Whisper (1984)

by George Michael/Wham

Only slightly surpassed by the cover version Ben Folds and Rufus Wainwright performed live.

#33 - Here Comes the Rain Again (1984)

by Eurythmics

#32 - Dirty Diana (1988)

by Michael Jackson

'Dirty Diana' is one divisive tune. People either love it or hate it, there's very little in the way of middle ground here. I'm firmly on the like side and feel that Jackson did a fantastic job detailing the sordid account of a groupie that won't back down.

#31 - Endless Love (1981)

by Diana Ross & Lionel Richie

Don't judge me...

We're only days away from crowning the #1 song of the 80s! What's it gonna be kids?