Top 114 Songs of 2014, #20 - 11

Lykke Li, St Vincent, Grimes + Beyonce!

#114 - 101

#100 - 91

#90 - 81

#80 - 71

#70 - 61

#60 - 51

#50 - 41

#40 - 31

#30 - 21

#20. DIGITAL WITNESS

by St. Vincent





What's the point of doing anything?
This is no time for confessing. 

I'm sitting here watching the music video for 'Digital Witness' for what must be the 347th time and I still can't get over how ridiculously cool St. Vincent is. A total weirdo, yes, but it's that total weirdness and quirky nature that makes her the coolest. Annie Clark commits 100% to her performance and the 'art' of it all, which is what makes her such a fascinating, believable character. 2014 was St. Vincent's biggest year yet, with her self-titled, fourth studio album released to critical acclaim. NME even named it the album of the year. It's hard to disagree when you've got songs like 'Digital Witness', which like the performer herself is totally weird, highly quirky but ridiculously cool. The brassy sounds driving the piece along seem to get stuck in my head for days and days when I hear the track. An unexpected pop smash? Maybe. But you should always expect the unexpected with St. Vincent. (Matt Bond) 

#19. SUCKERPUNCH

by Kingswood





I feel the fire, your heart is deafening,
What have you done, my dear? 

Kingswood. They do that rock and roll thing exceptionally well, don't they? On their debut album, Microscopic Wars, they more than proved that the future of Australian rock is in safe hands with songs like 'Suckerpunch' available as supporting evidence to this fact. This is a balls to the wall, party starting rock anthem that will have you moshing around your living room like all the punters in the accompanying video. I can't get over how good Kingswood's dude harmonies are either. They make an already amazing song even more so. (Matt Bond) 


Here’s something special for you. It’s a piece of Australian rock that is all dirty guitars, strong vocals, driving drums and a whole lot of beard and hair. This is rock and roll and Australian rock music at its best. And for those of you who were more than a little upset at the thought Of Kingswood appearing so low in our countdown way back at number 107? Bam! Suckerpunched. (Jo Michelmore)

#18. EPIC DELAY

by Dear Plastic





Where ever we go,
I won't fall to sleep because there's no way to know. 

You've hopefully seen Dear Plastic pop up on this blog thing here over the past couple of years. Our lovely Lou checked out their EP last year, Nayt and Jo had a review/debate over the clip for the single 'Buck Up and Pay The Reaper' (which you read about earlier in the countdown) and I was completely blown away by their 2014 debut album, The Thieves Are Babes. I love it and it's definitely one of my favourite albums of the year. A permanent fixture on our weekly Top 25 since the album's release was this track, 'Epic Delay'. When you listen to it, I hope you understand why. It's a perfect three minutes and forty seconds of music in which Scarlette Baccini, Josh Moult, Danny Cox, Cory Mollison and Nathan Clark hold your heart very delicately in their hands, coming very close to the point of crushing it. Baccini's vocal performance is one of the finest of the year and you can't help but hurt for the heartbreak and loneliness that's coming across. I'm going to go listen again now. What? I've told you before, I'm a sucker for a sad song. (Matt Bond)  


And most the award for most controversial amongst us IMKOS bloggers this year goes to….Dear Plastic. But that song happened way back at number 82. Go back and read that. That was a good ten. We’re only at the top twenty and I’m already reminiscing, so I digress (sorry, I say that a lot. I digress a lot. This is a nasty cycle).  Melbournians Dear Plastic are a little fave of some of us here at IMKOS and while they seem to be labelled trip hop amongst some, I feel like that doesn’t do them justice. There’s more to their talent than one meek little genre, this is a band that are a little bit more than that, simultaneously a little dark and moody and then sometimes so cute I wanna grab them by the cheeks and go “you’re so cute!” (but I wouldn’t actually do that, that’s just weird). In our number 18 song ‘Epic Delay’, the power of singer Scarlette Baccini’s voice is completely unrecognized and unappreciated; when she really kicks in midway through I kinda think there’s an epic delay in the general public knowing who Dear Plastic are (see what I did there? I may have written too many reviews in the last few days. Apologies.) The end of all these words? I like Dear Plastic. (Jo Michelmore) 

#17. WATER FOUNTAIN

by tUnE-yArDs





I can't seem to feel it, I can't seem to feel it,
I can't seem to feel, I'll kneel,
I'll kneel, I'll kneel the cold steel. 

I still can’t comprehend how good this song is. Everything about it makes me happy. Ev-er-y-thing. It makes me smile in the biggest way with its quick fire words and singsong rhythm, which reminds me of all the good things from my childhood – the giggles with friends, the self-choreography before I was too embarrassed to dance, the ability to sing without fear of being ridiculed (although that fear never seemed to develop too much). I could get all technical about how impressive tUnE-yArDs are with minimal instruments and how much I love the harmonies and vocal gymnastics, but I don’t really want to, because what better review can you say than this song make me smile, every single time? (Jo Michelmore)

What's a tUnE-yArDs? I still don't really know, but I know it's the brainchild of Merrill Garbus and if 'Water Fountain' is anything to go by, you want to be best friends with her. I think life with Merrill would be a whole lot of fun and that's something I never thought I'd say about someone with a name like Merrill. 'Water Fountain' should have been a #1 hit around the world. It's head-scratching pop that you can't help but dance along to. There's lyrics about a two pound chicken tasting better with friends and there's a healthy appropriation of black culture on display. If 'All About That Bass' can be a #1 hit, why can't 'Water Fountain'? Not that 'All About That Bass' isn't alright and positive body image message blah blah blah... but you'd rather be dancing to 'Water Fountain'. The crazy gets ramped up throughout the song before things completely break down in a dance frenzy that you want to be a part of. So go be part of it. Now. (Matt Bond)  

#16. LOVE ME LIKE I'M NOT MADE OF STONE

by Lykke Li





Even though it hurts, even though it scars,
Love me when it storms, love me when I fall... 

So Matt has spoken about the ballad/love song of the year during this countdown, but if I had to name one for myself, this one could be it. We’ve already covered my strange psyche in this countdown, my comfort in depression, my happiness at the sad song and this one is the ultimate in that experience, having a moment with ones watering eyes and moving on…or pressing the repeat button because you can’t get enough of the perfection. Lykke’s almost trembling voice, full of emotion and betrayal is so affecting, just her and guitar putting their hearts on the line in the most innocent and daring of ways. If the oh so simple clip and the words “Even though it hurts, even though it scars, Love me when it storms, love me when I fall, Every time it breaks, every time its torn, Love me like I'm not made of stone” don’t give you goosebumps, then you might want to check yo self. Your heart could be made of stone. (Jo Michelmore)

We move from one of the most upbeat, exciting tracks of 2014 to one of the saddest, total downers of the year. Hopefully they sort of cancel each other out and your mood remains average. Not good, not bad... average. You're welcome. I say 'Love Me Like I'm Not Made Of Stone' is a bit of a downer, but really it's a beautiful piece of songwriting, expertly performed by Lykke Li. She's asking, in the form of a heartbreaking ballad, for the same thing everyone else wants; to be loved. How could you say no to her after listening to this? (Matt Bond) 

#15. DRUNK IN LOVE

by Beyonce ft. Jay-Z





Then I fill the tub up halfway then ride it with my surfboard, surfboard, surfboard,
Graining on that wood, graining, graining on that wood... 

Drank. Surfbort. Oh, Bey... you've done it again. Well, you and the eight other listed writers. One of which is Timbaland and now I know where the surfboard bit came from. 'Drunk In Love' sort of became a pop culture phenomenon after the release of Beyonce, teaming the superstar wife/husband pairing of Beyonce and Jay-Z for something new, something different. The new would be Beyonce's totally swag-tacular performance. The different would be one of Jay's laziest raps, but it's always nice to see these two crazy kids together. 'Drunk In Love' might not be one of the 'best' songs of the year, but it's one of the songs that defined the year. And when it comes on when you've been dranking... life = complete. (Matt Bond)


I think it’s really nice that Beyonce chose to feature the trophy she received for placing number 15 on the It’s My Kind Of Scene 2014 Countdown in her clip for ‘Drunk In Love’. Well, if we were to give out actual awards, who’s to say they wouldn’t look like that? They’d probably actually be A4 pieces of paper, with Matt and my handwriting scrawled in texta across them, but we’d draw a pretty picture too for extra special effect. I might even get the glue pen and some glitter out, if I was feeling extra crafty. Also extra crafty are Beyonce and Jay-Z, who seem to manage to like each other, be married and be able to work together too. Kudos to them. ‘Drunk In Love’ seems to naturally be the sequel to ‘Crazy In Love’, except this one is a little hotter, a little more mature, a little more swag than bounce and a little more hot than not. Beach scenes in clips are always hot. The reality of rolling around sand and water is generally far from hot in my opinion, but the slow groove, Beyonce’s growling voice and Jay-Z’s quirky but not awkward rap keeps my mind from reality, so it’s all ok. One more thing though, if this is the sequel, what will the third instalment be called? And is there a prequel; ‘You’re Alright But We’re Not In Love’? (Jo Michelmore)  

#14. CIRRHOSIS

by Our Man In Berlin




Just a little more time,
Just a bit of control. 

One of my live music highlights of 2014 would definitely be seeing these five boys from Perth play live in my hometown back in June. After loving them from a distance for what seemed like forever, it was such a pleasure to witness the amazing sounds they make being played in the actual flesh and to know that this wasn’t a trick or some kind of quirky magic, these guys were and definitely are as talented as I had hoped they were from hearing their recorded sounds. I fell in love with their EP is it right? this year too and that means it makes me really, really happy to say they feature in our top twenty songs of 2014. ‘Cirrhosis’ is an adventure in everything I love about this band; Trevor, Justin, Cain and Dan’s skills are shown off in every way, the restrained beats driving the song forward with the slightest  force, more like a gentle nudge and Hayden’s voice as beautiful as always, the feelings and soul never in doubt. He has a certain way of being angsty enough to be noticed, but gentle enough to be somehow comforting and hearing all of that is just inconceivable, in the best way. I hear there are brand new songs on the way from OMIB (facebook is a fountain of knowledge) and that makes me squeal a teeny bit. Can’t. Wait. (Jo Michelmore)

#13. SWITCH LANES

by Tkay Maidza





I don't know why they think we're alike,
When I win it's like I give them life. 

You didn't think you had seen the last of Tkay Maidza on this countdown, did you? Get out of town... there's always room for more Tkay. Her latest single, 'Switch Lanes' totally gave us life, but it's ok, I don't think Tkay and I are alike because she's a boss rapper, undeniably cool and a young lady. I'm only one of those things. Try to guess which one, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with the answer. On 'Switch Lanes' we not only get to hear Maidza throw down those rapid fire rhymes like only she can, we also get to hear some of her serene vocal stylings. And we get to hear all this over some steel drum beats that make the track even more fun than it already is. We're hoping this blows up huge for our fave new rap superstar. And we're hoping to hear a debut album in 2015 too. Plz? Ah, and you're dying to know which of the three options makes me and Tkay alike. Yes... I am also a boss rapper. (Matt Bond)  

Every time she releases another song that little teenage part of me that isn’t so cynical and hardened about…everything…gets really excited and there’s a possibility I may have let out a little “YES!” when I first heard ‘Switch Lanes’ from the fabulous Tkay. I haven’t always been the biggest fan of Australian rap, but then Tkay comes along and makes me wonder why, because honestly, this is so good I’m not sure why all Aus rap doesn’t sound like this. Well, it doesn’t because not everyone can be this awesome. I suppose things might be kind of boring if they were. And then I’d just be saying ‘Switch Lanes’ was kind of average, which it’s so far from. It’s about as far from average as you can get. It’s extraordinary. (Jo Michelmore)

#12. GO

by Grimes ft. Blood Diamonds





And I'd like to think that we don't dream just to dream it off...

There were a lot of complaints from people on the interwebs about Grimes' new 'style' or whatever when 'Go' was released. Seriously, do that thing you should never do and look at the YouTube comments on the video. No, wait... don't do it. You don't need to torture yourself today. Anyway, there's people calling Grimes' Claire Boucher a sell out, calling 'Go' a terrible song and a lot of non-PG rated stuff too. Now, people are entitled to their opinion, especially when it comes to music because it's a very personal yada yada yada. Yep. You get where I'm going with all that. Anyway, my opinion is that the haters (gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate) are having a hipster #wankwankwank cry because Grimes didn't keep on releasing the same music as she did before. So what if she got a bit 'pop-ier' and took some tricks from the dubstep crowd? 'Go' is still a gorgeous piece of electronic music and it's one of the year's greatest songs. (Matt Bond) 

First up, let me say that Grimes is probably my least favourite name of an artist on this here countdown. It just is. You're going to have to accept that. Second up, let me say like Amy Shark’s ‘Spits On Girls’ back at number 94, I learnt my lesson and don’t judge books by covers, songs by title or artists by name anymore, which is lucky, because otherwise I might not have appreciated the work that is ‘Go’. It’s weird, starting perfectly pop, the sweet vocal, the mild synths lulling you into a sense of comfort and then suddenly we turn all a bit dubstep and I can’t ever imagine Rihanna doing this the justice it deserves, so I’m actually really glad she didn’t take the song that was written for her. I'm also really glad of my whole non-judgmental philosophy these days. Unless I'm judging just how good Grimes is, which is really, really good. (Jo Michelmore)

#11. YOUNG IN LOVE

by Thelma Plum





'Cause we once were in love,
And I once was all yours. 

There's no such thing as too much of 'Young In Love'. When Thelma Plum's Monsters EP came out in the middle of the year, I was traveling through Europe and had the song on repeat for weeks. When the video came out last month, I just sat there watching it over and over. And then that had me listening to the song on repeat again on my music listening contraption device. Also known as an iPhone. The move away from her acoustic sound to this electronic one (with production handled by M-Phazes) was the right move when you get a song like 'Young In Love' which benefits from the warm, digital touches that surround Plum's voice, on point as always. This track stands with last year's 'Breathe In, Breathe Out' as Plum's emotional gut-punch to the listener and I mean that in the best possible way. Beautiful in its ability to break your heart and put it back together all in one go, you won't forget 'Young In Love'. (Matt Bond) 

Have you ever been? Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t. If you have, you’ll know it. The beats, like your heart so heavy in your chest. The strings, like the never ending thoughts of that someone, gentle and sweet, strong and never ending. The keys, a constant but quiet reminder of what it was and is like. How Thelma Plum has the ability to take her heart out and lay it out for everyone to see in song is such a talent and so beyond what I’ve ever been able to face in my life, but I’m so glad she has the skills, because it’s her talent that makes facing your own existence so much easier. And if you haven’t been young in love, you only need to hit play once to know how it was, how it is and how it can be. (Jo Michelmore)

The A to Z of Pop - Y is for #yolo

The A to Z of Pop

by Jo Michelmore

"I hate old people, why don't they all just f-off" was what one of my previous work colleagues used to say when dealing with anyone of an elderly demeanour. Unfortunately, I could never quite get my colleague to admit what they considered 'old' because whenever they said that sentence, I would always be busy thinking to myself; "well, I hope all your dreams come true and you don't get old then...." which was probably a little harsh, but whatever, paying jobs can sometimes do that to you.


Having had a birthday myself recently, it got me thinking about what 'old' is anyway. To a five year old, anyone over the age of five is old, right? And anyone under the age of five is a baby. Easy. These lines start to get blurred as time goes on. They're even more blurred in pop music, because what is age in pop? As I said way back at T, Madonna is old as something about 56 years old, but that doesn't mean you can take away her Queen of Pop crown. I've decided that pop music is ageless. Some pop is really good and some pop is really...average and some pop stars are super young and some pop stars are super old. For example, 5SOS are all under 21, but that doesn't make them musical geniuses, does it?


Perhaps you should decide that for yourself.

"I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things" - you don't get to decide what you forget with amnesia, 5SOS. You forget the big things too. Oh well, at least someone told you how to spell amnesia, I guess. But wait, there's still hope for pop with people like one of my faves who released a new song this week.

Ms Gwen Stefani. She's 45. This week, she released a new song after eight long years. I like it. Lots. Someone I know (hey editor) said it sounded very Rihanna-ish. I agree, but Rihanna is 26 and Gwen is rocking a Rihanna sound better than Rihanna has in a little while. Where is that eighth album Rihanna? Which brings me to Pitbull, who is one that confuses me, because how old is he anyway?

He looks like he's 50, but apparently he's 33. I beg to differ. Old eyes are hiding behind those suits of his. Mr Bull just wishes he was more like someone else who's way older than him but seems way younger.

I know right? Jay Z is 44. All I can say is, thankfully he hasn't taken the advice of Pitbull's ol' mate Kesha (who by the way, is 27). And for the record, at 27, I don't want you to follow your own advice either, Kesha.

What have we learnt here boys and girls? Pop music and our mainstream media in general might be focused on the 'young', but pop music is good. At any age. You should just enjoy it, at any age, because after all; #yolo.

10 and 1 - Tell Me A Story

People that are good like with words and stuff.

THE GREAT STORYTELLERS

by Matt Bond

Why hello... it's story time, boys and girls. You're a music fan, I'm a music fan, but sometimes you want your favourite singers to weave their poetic words into a story that's a little something more than (x) attempts to mate with (y) or (y) is triumphing over being heartbroken by (x) by swinging on installations on the ceiling or how (x) can be (y) if (x) wants because, baby, (x) was born that way. I love a good 'ole music storyteller. Personally, I'm a big fan of those that rip your heart out, throw it on the floor and then run it over on a Harley Davidson over and over and over again. The main thing is, I know I have a problem. But I don't think I'm alone. We all love music that can make us laugh, cry, singalong and entertain us. There are moments when all we need is your basic (x) and (y) story. And then there's times we want (a), (b) and (c) in the mix adding to the narrative as well. Not in a creepy, sexual way... pervs. 

The smartest writers leave much to the listener when it comes to interpreting their story. With each listen, you could be left viewing a song in a completely different light. A hero becomes a villain, the love of 'his' life suddenly becomes the other woman or what you once heard as a fairly straightforward tale of falling in love is now a deep and complex study or life, love, loss and everything in between. But you don't want to be too complex. Do you know what Black Eyed Peas' 'Boom Boom Pow' was about? Do you know what it means when chicken are jackin' your style? If you do, please let me know. I've been trying to work that out for years now. #jks. It's a statement about artistic integrity, a challenge to those lesser artists than Fergie-Ferg-era BEP's to push art to strange new boundaries. Hence why they are, "so 3008," while you are so, "2000 and late." That's what it means, right? Right?

Anyway, here are ten of my favourite storytellers in music. Maybe some of yours are in here too. As is the '10 and 1' way of doing bid-ness, I'll be leaving you with one artist who might not have the same way with words these guys and gals do. At least in my humble opinion. Enjoy! 

THE 10:

Sara Bareilles

I'm the writer and she's the muse,

I'm the one that you always choose,

She will falter and gift her blame,

And it starts all over again.

- 'Bright Lights and Cityscapes'

My good friend Fry has something to say about Sara Bareilles' storytelling abilities... 

Eddie Vedder

 I changed by not changing at all,

Small town predicts my fate,

Perhaps that's what no one wants to see.

- 'Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town'

His catalogue of works reads like a good episode of Law and Order:SVU. Ok, not really (a little), but there's so many songs about social justice and oppressed people and have you heard 'Alive' or 'Jeremy' or 'Black' or 'Man Of The Hour' or any song that this dude's written. Vedder's the man, man. 

Stevie Nicks

 So I try to say goodbye my friend,

 I'd like to leave you with something more,

But never ever been a blue calm sea,

 I have always been a storm.

- 'Storms'

 Stevie Nicks' best stories are about Stevie Nicks. So I guess she's one for those who head straight to the biography section of the bookstore. There's heaps of drama and mystery and romance too. So if you're into those types of books, you're going to love the Nicks. But seriously... who doesn't love the Nicks already?

 
Shirley Manson

Drown in me, one more time,

Hide inside me tonight,

Do what you want to do,

Just pretend happy end,

 Let me know, let it show,

Ending with letting go,

Let's pretend happy end.

- 'You Look So Fine'

I love you, Shirley!!! Please excuse me. I just can't contain myself when it comes to the words of one Manson, S. They'll put you under her spell. SHE'S A WITCH! And what a witch. Garbage drew on an actual story for the song 'The Trick Is To Keep Breathing' which is one of their most beautiful, heartbreaking tracks. And they've got a lot of beautiful, heartbreaking tracks. Like 'You Look So Fine'. It's a story I've gone back and forth with when it comes to the meaning, because part of me wants to believe it's not just a pretend happy end and it's a real one. But it's not so... Oy. I'd love you forever, Shirley! That pretty boy surfer in the video was never good enough for you. 

Billy Corgan

Time is never time at all,

You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of you,

And our lives are forever changed,

We will never be the same,

The more you change the less you feel.

- 'Tonight, Tonight' 

Come on... at one stage he was a really cool dude, right? He was on The Simpsons. It was awesome! Alright, whatever... Corgan had it going on back in the 90s. With just a couple of lines he could leave you contemplating things like the meaning of life, when all you really wanted to do was sing along to that fun '1979' song you heard on the radio. Urgh, I'm going to be stuck on "classic" Smashing Pumpkins for a couple of weeks now. Damn you, Billy Corgan!   

Amanda Palmer

I suffer mornings most of all,

I feel so powerless and small,

By 10 o'clock I'm back in bed,

Fighting the jury in my head

- 'Have To Drive'

What I love the most about Amanda Palmer's stories, is that even though they are so 'her', there are far too many moments in her music that feel like she's telling your story. Maybe 'her' story is 'our' story and she's really just that fan-fucking-tastic at taking some very personal life experiences and putting those into words that any listener can relate to. As a bonus, Amanda is ridiculously clever in her selection of lyrics and can even drop some TWIST! moments into her tracks. Example, 'The Bed Song'. 

Jay-Z

When pop died, didn't cry,

Didn't know him that well,

Between him doing heroin and me doing crack sales...

- 'Moment of Clarity'  

Yes, rap stories are excellent. Especially in the hands of Jay-Z. It's all 'overcoming great adversity' like, starting on the streets and working your way up to becoming #1. Started from the bottom now your here, Drake? Yeahbutno, Jay-Z already told those stories and started much lower and got way higher. And he's got Beyonce. #YOLO.

Lana Del Rey

I hear the birds on the summer breeze,

I drive fast, I am alone in midnight,

Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble,

But I, I've got a war in my mind.

- 'Ride' 

Did anyone else feel that cool breeze of judgment come in through the window? Brrrr. Anyway, haters gonna hate. I've got a lot of time for LDR's breathy tones and melodramatic, Americana-heavy lyrics. She's like the Springsteen of her generation. Haha. I'm kidding. Just wanted some of you to have a slight aneurism. 

Florence Welch

I took the stars from my eyes and then I made a map,

I knew that somehow I could find my way back,

Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too,

So I stayed in the darkness with you.

- 'Cosmic Love'

Florence's words tell the story of the world through her eyes. And that world is this over the top examination of love, death and war. It can be very violent and honest and beautiful all at the same time. It's just a little bit crackers, but also refreshing. How does she do this? Teach me, oh wise one.

Little May

Somebody told me you were leaving town,

I swear I never thought you'd be the one who let me down...

- 'Boardwalks'

How could I leave out my favourite new storytellers and our Artist of the Month, Little May? Well, I couldn't. Obviously. I've said it before and I'll say it again, these ladies right here are the next great storytellers. And you can find out for yourself by checking out their debut, self-titled EP which is out on October 10. It's also casually hanging out with Rolling Stone Australia if you want to give it a not-so-sneaky listen (or many, many listens) and fall for the oh-so-dreamy stories Little May tell.   

THE ONE:

Nicki Minaj

This dude named Michael used to ride motorcycles,

Dick bigger than a tower, I ain't talking about Eiffels...

(we'll stop there)

- 'Anaconda'

No. A million times no. The disappointing thing about Minaj is, she's actually better than this. Her early raps were full of cutting rhymes and she actually told some decent stories. Now... it's all about how her 'kitty' puts dudes to sleep and now they're calling her NyQuil. NyQuil rhymes with Michael. All of the lols. HAHAHAHAHA. I'm done with life.
 

   

The A to Z of Pop - J is for Jo, Obviously.

Well that certainly doesn't look comfortable...

The A to Z of Pop

by Jo Michelmore

And then we reach what should probably be one of my favourite letters of the alphabet. I'm not saying it's not top five, but we've not even made it halfway yet, so let's not get too excited. J. The tenth letter of the English alphabet and also the letter my own name starts with. I only have two letters in my name, so we really should celebrate one of them. The question is, if I was a pop star, who are the other J pop stars I would be sharing my letter with and in a parallel universe, could I actually be them?

I suppose in another universe I could be Ja Rule but I'm not so keen on jail terms, I can't imagine putting up with Bobby Brown for too long and really, I don't really have that much lovin' for thugs.

Well, I guess in another universe I could be Jessica Simpson except I actually have an understanding of how to wash a car, which side of the political fence I sit on and well, let's face it, as a lover of (most) things vintage, I like Nancy's version of this song better.

I suppose in another universe I could be Jay Z but I'm not the world's biggest fan of Beyonce and let's face it, I wouldn't have such an ego and would have given Alicia Keys more time in this song because I would have realised she was the one with all the talent.

Well, I guess in another universe I could be Jamiroquai, but the facts are I am a little too tall, hats actually look good on my head and well, I never wish to be known as 'the sex pest'. 

I suppose I could be Jennifer Lopez in another universe 'cause I've already got the shape (she did booty so much better and long before ol' Kanye's wife) and while I have a friend who has referred to me as J-Lo, I most definitely would not make the mistake of hanging out with Pitbull once, let alone numerous times. Eeeew.

Of course, the most obvious one of all, in another universe I could be JoJo, after all, that's what a lot of people already know me as, one of my best friends went through a stage of answering the phone with a rendition of this song every time I called him for a while there and really, it is a catchy tune. Only one problem. When I'm a pop star, I have no plans on being such a one hit wonder. Just wait 'til my single drops in this universe...

Where Is My Mind? - Everyone Does It

Do you think Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend do it even with a driver in the car?

Everyone's Done It

by Jo Michelmore

Everyone does it. I've admitted it a million times on this here blog. I've admitted it a million times not on this here blog. Probably more than a million times. In fact, I quite happily do it, loudly. I don't care who's watching. Or listening.


Someone I know posted something on facebook about doing it in the car with the windows down and nearby roadworks, while Christina Aguilera was playing.


Everyone who can, does it, no matter how much you deny it. I was doing this the other day with someone and afterwards we started chatting about the next songs to do this to. Their opinions were a little different to mine, which was awkward, since we'd just done it. Once I started chatting about it, I realised how wide and varied everyone's tastes are. So I asked a few people I knew what they thought were the best songs to do this to and the answers I got were wide and varied and since we left off last week on a song I've done this lots of times to, that is LOTS of times, let's look at some songs some others like to do this to.

How appropriate. We left on The Flaming Lips and we start with Eternal Flame. I think this one would be a little depressing to do this with, but you know, as I say, each to their own.

From one girl group to another, this one intrigues me. Cause which bits do you like the best, the vocal gymnastics or the 'whoa' every line in the chorus? I mean, the 'whoa' would obviously be the easiest part while you're pre-occupied with other activities, but who's to say?

Interesting choice, right? Some would like your Eminems, some would prefer your old school Beastie Boys, but the person I was doing this with recently not only chooses Mr Beyonce; Jay-Z, but chooses the track with the Broadway sample in it. You really can't judge what turns people on, can you?

One more, because Jay-Z has sampled them, as has one of the people I asked this weird question to. I know I've done it to this band. Hasn't everyone?


There you go, four songs people like to sing along to while driving. You do know I'm talking about driving songs, right? Singing in the car? Everyone does it. Don't you? And yes, this is where is my mind, why? Where is your mind?


Next week? Maybe something a little simpler so your mind doesn't wander so much.

Where Is My Mind? - Call Me Crazy...

 Call me crazy but...that Madonna? She crazy and she old!

Call Me Crazy, But...

by Jo Michelmore

The other day, while waiting for my usual morning coffee, my friend and I spotted a chalkboard outside a store nearby which was both intriguing and hilarious. The chalkboard had this written on it:


"Fun Fact! Every year 3000 people die from hippo attacks and only 6 die from shark attacks."


This was intriguing, because let's face it, that is an interesting fact, but would one call it fun? I don't think so. That's not fun at all. This was hilarious because my friend has this habit of coming up with (sometimes) interesting facts and presenting them with the sentence "FUN FACT!" first. Sometimes he even raises his index finger in excitement at said fun facts. I know I'm in for a treat when he does that. I'm probably going to learn something about the human digestive system or something not politically correct, but either way, I love his 'fun facts' and I like his 'unique' saying.


I have another friend who likes to present interesting facts as well, but his catchphrase is "did you know?" He is also known for another phrase I love, which is sometimes used in combination with his "did you know?" and that sentence is "DON'T BE STUPID" which is always said in a charmingly insulting way. I like his 'unique' sayings.


I have another friend who likes to say "fiddly diddly dee" followed by various obscenities I'm not going to mention on this blog. They may not be g-rated, but whenever they're said hilarity ensues. I like his 'unique' sayings.


This brings me to one of my own sayings, which is "call me crazy but...." followed by whatever I want, it's my phrase, goddamn it.


Most people I know respond with "ok, crazy" because everyone I know is a comedian, which brings me to where my mind is this week. Last week we left off on 'Crazy Kids' by Ke$ha and will.i.am, so that made me think about all the other songs I love about being a whole lot of crazy, like

It may not be my very favourite Queen song ever, but there's no way I wasn't going to include it in a list of crazy songs. In fact,it's Freddie Mercury's birthday in a couple of weeks, so you're going to be treated to reading about my adoration of him soon. Let me warn you, there's a lot of adoration. Call me crazy but I love that moustached Freddie guy....

It may not be my very favourite Madonna song either, but I have a did you know to say about Madonna so I had to include it. Are you ready? 'Did you know' Madonna is 54 years old? That's virtually 60! Madonna is like, 60 years old! She old. She real old. Maybe that should have been a fun fact. Oh whatever, they're not my sayings and either way, call me crazy, but I still love that crazy old Madonna woman...

This one could be my very favourite Patsy Cline song ever, but that's maybe because I don't know many of them. It is probably my favourite crazy song though. How can any get better that this? Are you crazy? This is the ultimate in crazy and country heartbreak and sometimes, every now and then, when I'm feeling a little crazy, I like to break this one out at karaoke. Yes I do. Call me crazy, but I have a (not so) secret love of country heartbreak and that means Ms Cline, of course....

This may not be my very favourite Gnarls Barkley song ever...no wait, I don't have a very favourite Gnarls Barkley song, probably because Gnarls Barkley involves that Cee Lo Green guy and well, I'm not the biggest fan of his. I hate it when this happens. I don't like liking a song when I don't like really like the artist so much. Call me crazy but that drives me crazy...! 

This may be my very favourite Beyonce song but it's not my favourite Jay-Z song, so that's confusing, isn't it? Goddamn, it's just so goddamn catchy. The clip has always annoyed me though, I just want to tell her to get up and stop rolling around the floor. Call me crazy, but there's a whole lot of bacteria on floors that are left there from people's awful, awful feet and everyone knows my irrational fear of feet, don't they? Oh, that's a whole other kind of crazy. Call me crazy, but you probably don't need to know about that part of crazy me....

Call me crazy, but where will my mind lead you next time? Well, that's an interesting question isn't it? You'll have to wait and see.
 

New Music Monday #59

Magna Carta... Holy Grail

by Jay-Z (out now)

Let me tell you something interesting. If you were to google the term ‘magna carta’ right now, you would find two entries at the top of the list. One of them would be the Wikipedia entry for the document of the Magna Carta, written in 1215 which influenced the building of our society as we currently know it (ie: it’s quite important) the other entry is a link to Jay-Z’s website (ie: maybe not so important, on a general scale of things). 

Whichever you think is more important, there’s no doubting which is most important to Jay-Z, because like the Jay-Z we all know and love(?), on his fifth album ‘Magna Carta...Holy Grail’ he is his usual self, as full of self-importance as always, if not more than ever before. What does it actually sound like? It sounds, essentially, like a Jay-Z album. He swears a bit, he tries to offend a bit, he raps a bit, he lets other people do a lot of the work, he tells us all how far he’s come and he is as annoying as he is catchy. It sounds like a Justin Timberlake song with Jay-Z guesting (hello track one ‘Holy Grail’), a Frank Ocean song with Jay-Z guesting (hello track five ‘Oceans’), a Beyonce song with Jay-Z guesting (hello track eleven Part II) and so on, like I said, a Jay-Z album. 

The stand out tracks? They’re stand out for various reasons. Let me tell you about ‘Jay-Z Blue’, a song about his daughter, but sounds like a bit of a mess rather than a tribute (perhaps he should have actually listened to that Stevie Wonder track he references in the lyric to figure out how to write a song for one’s offspring). Let me tell you about 'Picasso' where he tells us about all sorts of famous possesions he wants then blames society for his greed "don't forget America this is how you made me". Let me tell you about one of the most interesting tracks ‘Holy Grail’ which uses what is probably Nirvana’s most famous lyric in a way I wish I’d never heard (once heard it can never be unheard, sigh) and references Kurt Cobain himself (dare I say Kurt Cobain's talent is a holy grail to you Jay-Z, I'm not sure you'll ever find that).

That last one can almost be forgiven, because there is a reason Jay-Z is the artist he is today; when he's good, he's really, really good. Let’s talk about ‘Crown’ where in typical self-righteous style he starts the song with “you in the presence of a king, scratch that, you in the presence of a God” love that or hate it, that's Jay-Z doing what he does best. Let’s talk about ‘BBC’ which is a little three minute party between Jay-Z, Nas, Justin Timberlake, Beyoncé, Swizz Beatz and Timbaland. It’s a whole bunch of fun beats which you'll like if you have a heartbeat and probably my favourite track;  ‘Somewhere In America’ it's the one that will make my Jay-Z playlist, with it's awesome trombone, keys and references to Miley Cyrus. That's the Jay-Z I like and it's fun. 

Let me tell you something. I'm not sure Jay-Z will be remembered as an amazing musician in ten, twenty, thirty years time, let alone eight centuries from now like the actual Magna Carta. What I know is this. Jay-Z has an exceptionally talented marketing team and there's a whole bunch of people who will never know that the Magna Carta was anything but a Jay-Z album. That's ok. It's certainly not the worst album released this year, which is a feat in itself. It's exactly as I said, it's a Jay-Z album and what were any of us really expecting? The Magna Carta? 

Jo Michelmore gives 'Magna Carta...Holy Grail' three Eminem heads out of five

 

Stuck in the Memory of You

by Shelley Segal and Adam Levy

Album: Little March (out now)

Now, here's something a little sweet and soulful for you to sink your teeth into. Australian singer-songwriter, Shelley Segal has teamed up with one of the world's finest jazz guitarists, Adam Levy for the album Little March. Led by the single 'Stuck in the Memory of You' it's the perfect introduction to the dreamy and jazz infused vocal works of Segal if, like me, you've previously been unfamiliar with her work. I find the word gorgeous to be highly appropriate when describing her voice. You could also say it's inviting; asking you to dance on a summer's night as the band plays at that restaurant you really like by the water. In Monaco. That kind of inviting. You'd be forgiven for thinking 'Stuck in the Memory of You' was a jazz standard, a credit to Segal's songwriting ability that she can create something that feels utterly timeless. I'm more familiar with Levy's work, as anyone that's heard Norah Jones' multi-Grammy award winning debut, Come Away With Me would be. He doesn't disappoint alongside Segal and there would be little doubt a seasoned professional of his experience would. If you're looking for a laid-back acoustic sound with a jazzy edge, congratulations, you've found it. Exploring Segal's previous releases as well as the rest of her and Levy's Little March will be a delight. 

P.s. your Mum or Dad would love this for their birthday. Or Christmas. Or just get it for them to show you care.

Matt Bond gives 'Stuck in the Memory of You' four Beatles heads out of five...  

NEW MUSIC VIDEO OF THE WEEK:

Dance Apocalyptic

by Janelle Monae

Album: The Electric Lady (September 10, 2013)

Returning with the second single from her upcoming sophomore LP, The Electric Lady, Janelle Monae unleashes 'Dance Apocalyptic' and you know what? If the world was ending and you wanted to dance up a storm, you might as well go out with this. While the video isn't as visually striking as 'Q.U.E.E.N', there's still a lot to love about this follow up that's got an upbeat energy as infectious as the song itself. Monae again proves that there's a whole lot more to being 'sexy' than Minaj-ing it up on the beach, crawling through the sand in the world's skimpiest bikini. I suppose it helps that she's naturally one of the most beautiful women of ever. You can make your own assumptions about her legion of crazed female fans, the hysterical type generally reserved for someone like [insert Bieber-like douche here]. However, if you have a daughter and were debating the merits of introducing her to Janelle Monae or Miley Cyrus, I hope you'd know which choice was the right choice. Yeah? And hey, there's a zombie too. So that's a big win. 

Matt Bond gives the 'Dance Apocalyptic' video three Karen O heads out of five... 

FREE DOWNLOAD OF THE WEEK:

Boardwalks

by Little May 

download linkage

Sydney's indie-folk outfit, Little May is comprised of vocalists and self-taught musicians Hannah Field, Liz Drummond, and Annie Hamilton. They are fantastic and one listen of 'Boardwalks' will have you falling over yourself to come up with words like fantastic, amazing, beautiful and enchanting to describe their talents. For a limited time you can grab a copy of the track over at Little May's Soundcloud page or there's also the more admirable option of purchasing it off the iTunes. 'Boardwalks' is a real gem of a track and if you were a fan of Seeker Lover Keeper you can start your swooning now. It's really that good. Keep your eyes and ears on Little May... they're going to be big. 

Matt Bond gives 'Boardwalks' four Michael Hutchence heads out of five...