Where Is My Mind? - Turn Crappy Into Happy...

Or The Other Way Around?

by Jo Michelmore

I saw an advertisement today, which stated these words: “turn crappy into happy”. I’m not going to tell you what it was advertising, but it’s probably more literal than you expect. Anyway, I digress. This ad did something which for me, was the exact opposite of turning crappy into happy; it was actually the other way around, because when I read the word ‘happy’ it reminded me of a little song. A song that appeared in my head three days ago, when I woke up one morning with it stuck there. There I was, eyes closed, far far away in a land of lollipops, tequila,  and a laundromat (don’t question my subconscious, I can’t help where my dream self takes me), when I was awoken to the sound of traffic outside my bedroom window and a tune that has refused to leave my brain since then. The most annoying part about this song is not the fact that it is stuck, but the fact that having that chorus stuck has made me almost exactly the opposite to that song's subject matter.

We left off last time on a song that probably inspired my current earworm ‘My Happiness’ which made me think of a whole bunch of other ‘happy’ songs, which, really, when you think about it, aren’t so happy now, are they?

The title explains it all. Happiness might be ice cream or beer or Sunday or a really good party or a freshly lit cigarette, but nope, happiness is not a warm gun. Or a cold one either, probably. End. Which takes us to another sarcastically happy song...

This song has won a lot of awards….for being one of the worst songs ever. Now, ‘ever’ is a big statement, there’s been a lot of songs made, 'ever', but you know, all awards given out 'ever' are right, right? Shiny. Happy. Shut up Stipe. Which reminds me of another happy song with simple, silly lyrics...

Now, I like this song as much as any other Gaga track, but you would hope that if you were so happy you could die you would come up with a few more words than “eh eh, eh eh, ye-ha, ye-ha, a-ha, a-ha” Just sayin.

And of course, the one that started it all, goddamn you Pharrell for making a song so freakin' catchy that it has now been stuck in my head for three days and made me exactly the opposite of what you’ve been singing about. If I was in a room without a roof and it was raining, I might not be so happy now, would I? Huh? Especially if I had my favourite dress on, which is dry clean only, by the way. And if I was in a hot air balloon that went into space I probably wouldn’t be so happy now would I? I’d be clamouring for ground. And you know what else? Stop telling me how to live my life. I’ll clap my hands whenever I goddamn want to, not when you tell me to. And one more thing. 

That hat, say what you want about it, but...with that jacket? Pharell, what were you thinking? Happy? I beg to differ.

Next week? More happy or more crappy? You'll have to wait and see.....!