The Medicine Cabinet #14

Music Is My Medicine

by Nayt Housman

Music is my medicine. Is it yours? I ask the public six golden questions to find out if and how they use music to feed the soul.

 Joseph by Nayt Housman

Today I had a sassy Gold Coast local in my music clinic, 18 year old Joseph, who is really passionate about fashion, music and of course world peace. When asked if he was ready for a probing he responded, “Born ready. My eyelashes though, were not.” Lolz…so what musical pills does Joseph take to keep him in tiptop shape?


Who are at least three musicians or groups flick your switch and turn up the volume?


Joseph: Tyga, Brooke candy and Kesha without a doubt.


Why are they the pills that cure your ills?


Joseph: Tyga music is just so soulful and passionate about things like the relationship between a pimp and his hoes, that's great. Brooke Candy’s music is just really strong with her messages and up beat. Kesha is just like, so my soul. My relationship with Kesha is just so spiritual she's just like, so my spirit animal. I guess those three people give me the things everybody needs in life, passion, strength and spirituality.

What kind of high do they give you?


Joseph: An emotional high, it's deeply spiritual.

Dis bitch is so up beat coz she ding dang done gone beat up every ho in her hood GRRRRRL

When do you find yourself craving musical relief?


Joseph: When I need to think. It really stimulates my thought process, that or when I'm working out, but it can become a distraction.

Kesha speaks 'spirit animal' in ‘Blow’, which roughly translates to 

gag/swallow/eat a fist/love? Praise cheeses. 

 Where does music take you?

 

Joseph: It physically takes me nowhere but mentally I find it really thought provoking, it's good to think sometimes. It usually makes me think about the future and generally the VMA's. What the song would look like as a live performance.

Tyga takes a gurrrl to Rack City to see the sights, like the Leaning Rack of Silicone?

How do you share your music love?

Joseph: I sing it loudly. Wherever and whenever.

 
Ke$h dawg shares it with dirty love…

“If you're having a bad hair day don't be sad, wear a wig!” These are some wise words imparted from Joseph during our consultation and this is something that all of us can carry through life when we need a lift. Brooke Candy takes it one step further and when she’s having a bad hair day she just throws a few chameleons in there and BAM, style.

So what can we all take from this? I think if it’s not fierce, frolicking and fabulous then FUCK IT! You are not my dad and you never will be! I’ll do what the hell I want, when I want and where I want, with who ever I want in whatever hole I want! When in doubt defy, deny and supply.

I shall dub this the 'Nice wig Janis. What’s it made of?' effect. When yo over brushing off the dirt of the day, the only way to get the pay is to slay. Throw dat shade like it’s no ones business, turn it into hip-hop, while you get off, and yo daddy drops off, the motha funkin keys, to the Bentley, so you can sleaze coz you rent-free. This is the life, coz you don’t care, about yo daddy dippin mom’s chest hair!

Doctor Nayt’s prescription is to face that shit head-on. The days are getting to you? Well you just get all up in their grill with an attitude as big as Brooke Candy’s natural d-cup boobs hair, as bad as Ke$ha/Kesha’s morning breath, you shake your money makin' junk in their face and vomit sass like it’s a Salmonella party. What follows doesn’t matter; it’s all about the release.

10 and 1 - Ke$ha Goes To Dinosaur Land...

Ke$ha... destined for the bright lights of Broadway?

10 New Musical Ideas

Inspired by SPEARS: The Gospel According To Britney

by Matt Bond

Did you hear the one about the musical that would tell the story of Jesus through the songs of Britney Spears? It wasn't a joke. It was a true story, something that actually happened and by all accounts it was pretty good. Personally, I'm already a bigger fan of it than Jesus Christ Superstar. Only days after being informed of the existence of SPEARS: The Gospel According To Britney, I saw that Alanis Morissette was planning a jukebox musical based on her Jagged Little Pill album. Now that is going to be a good 'un. You're in a theatre... the character on stage is singing about going down on you in a theatre. That's going to be all kinds of awkward. Anyway, it got me thinking. What's next? Which pop stars are going to look to musical theatre as a new source of income and what wacky story ideas could they use. If Britney and Jesus could go together I'm thinking some of these just might work. As is the '10 and 1' way to play, I'll leave you with one musical they probably shouldn't look at making. Enjoy! 

THE 10:

The Music: Ke$ha

The Story: The Land Before Time aka Dinosaurs aka Bearded Cavemen

I even came up with the title Ke$ha Goes To Dinosaur Land for this one, which in no way steals from a Jenna Maroney film. Ke$ha would obviously have to play herself for every performance, because no one else could do it justice. The story is pretty simple: Ke$ha gets sent back in time to when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, hooks up with some bearded cave dudes, punches out a T-Rex and parties... all the time. Her timeless single, 'Die Young', could be used as an acoustic ballad lamenting the limited life expectancy of neanderthals. Or something... the party don't start until she walks in! 

The Music: Ice-T

The Story: Law and Order: SVU-sical

How has this not been done already? You've got song titles like 'Cop Killer', 'Killers', 'You Don't Quit', 'I'm Your Pusher', 'Lethal Weapon', 'The Girl Tried To Kill Me' and 'Police Story'. Ice-T's already one of the star's of the show, so there's that. And if they can't get Mariska Hargitay to step up and belt out a tune, just get T's wife Coco to play Detective Olivia Benson. Everyone's a winner! 

The Music: Backstreet Boys

The Story: Something to do with One Direction

It's already much more interesting because you don't have to listen to a single One Direction song. 

The Music: Yeah Yeah Yeahs

The Story: The Tudors 

Every single time someone gets executed (and in this story that happens pretty much every ten seconds) the chorus can bust out a little bit of 'Heads Will Roll' - "off, off, off with your head, dance, dance, dance 'til you're dead." You can tie 'Sacrilege' into Henry VIII getting out of his marriage to Catherine of Aragon and young, rebellious Princess Mary can bust a move through the palace as she sings 'Zero'. And do you know what Henry's later life coat of arms had on it? A 'Gold Lion'. That's what. 

The Music: Madonna

The Story: Dracula: Death and Disco

Let me set the scene for you. We're in Transylvania at Count Dracula's creepy castle. Man-servant to the stars, Renfield has just fearfully informed his master that Jonathan Harker has escaped and is on his way back to London to warn everyone of Dracula's existence. You're expecting Dracula to react violently... but what's that? A disco ball emerges from the ceiling and a jubilant Dracula turns around, throws off his cape and screams that they'll be taking a holiday! Madonna's 'Holiday' begins to play, Dracula dances with his vampire brides, Renfield busts out some crazy moves and you have a Tony Award winning musical on your hands. Come at me, producers. 

The Music: Avril Lavigne

The Story: Romeo and Juliet: An Emo Love Story

Romeo's a boy, Juliet's a girl... can I make it anymore obvious? Romeo's a punk, Juliet does ballet... what more can I say? Romeo wanted her, she'd never tell, but secretly Juliet wanted him as well. All of Juliet's friends, stuck up their nose, they had a problem with his baggy clothes. For Romeo was a skater boy and so on and so forth. As much as it pains me to not combine Shakespeare with his modern day equivalent, Ke$ha, the music of Mrs. Nickelback really speaks to this classic love story. And Taylor Swift would just be too obvious... baby, just say yes. 

The Music: Anything written by Sia

The Story: American Idol: The Musical

Art imitating life imitating art, but not. This would be fun. It would be like paying $50 to go see something you could watch for free on the TV. And since Sia has played a part in writing every single song that's ever been popular and thus performed on reality television, they might as well just use her music. It is, however, unlikely that a song performed by Sia will be used. Just the songs she's written for the Guetta's, Rihanna's and Britney's of the world.

The Music: Amy Winehouse

The Story: The Robert Downey Jusical

Now you're thinking that maybe I'm not so crazy... 

The Music: Adele

The Story: The Mortal Kombat-sical

  ... which is a mistake you won't make again. But really, you should have known better after that whole Madonna/Dracula debacle. Want me to set the scene again for you? Sub-Zero sings 'Someone Like You' to Scorpion. Alright, alright, I'll stop.

The Music: Lady Gaga

The Story: Pirates of the Caribbean

Yeah, I've got nothing. But Pirates are huge, Gaga's huge... with their powers combined, they could be the biggest thing in ever. Ever I say! Sword fights on the high seas while everyone's singing 'Poker Face'. Johnny Depp reprising his role as Jack Sparrow. Gaga playing the Kraken or something. If Spider-Man: The Musical can work, this one can too.

THE ONE: 

The Music: Nicki Minaj

The Story: Barbie's Skanky Sunday

This is the right kind of crazy. It's so crazy, that it might just work! Who am I kidding, this is the worst one yet. Even worse than that Adele/Mortal Kombat one, which I think could really work if you'd just approach it with an open mind. Anyway, we'll spare Barbie having to drop some dope rhymes about having beez in her trap... for now. 

See you all on Broadway! I'm a staaaar, I'm on top.... somebody bring me some haaaaaaam! Shut up, I've been watching a lot of 30 Rock lately and by lately I mean this year.

Where Is My Mind? - Haim, Not Ham

This is what happens when you think you type Haim into google, but miss a letter. Shania does not like this.

Sexy. Everything About Meat Is So Sexy

by Jo Michelmore

So, I was hanging out with some friends on the weekend when one of them said "Have you heard that song on the radio that sounds exactly like Shania Twain?" to which I questioned; "No! Who is it?" My friends couldn't give me an answer, because every time it came on both of them got bored with the song before it was done and didn't stick around long enough to hear who it was, which is kind of funny, because only a day or two later, I saw some interesting things on the twitters and the internets, because Geoff Barrow (he's a guy from Portishead) had tweeted something along the lines of;

'Haim sound like Shania Twain and when did that become a good thing?'

which is kind of funny, because maybe everyone was picking up on the same thing at the same time. If Geoff Barrow was trying to insult Haim, then I can't totally agree, because I kinda like a little bit of what they're doing, whether they sounds like Shania or not. Interestingly, last week I left off on Haim, so of course I went back and listened to that song again..

Which did sound remarkably like Shania, in parts

but what all this did was make me go to the ever glorious wiki and look up Shania Twain, which made me find out this:

'Twain is a long-time vegetarian and in 2001, was voted PETA's very first Sexiest Vegetarian'

which is kind of funny because this week there was World Vegetarian Day (I don't actually know what happens that day, but whatever it is probably involves vegetables and lots of them) and that made me think, why would you want to be named 'sexiest vegetarian'? I mean, it's not saying much, if we just look at fellow musicians, look who her competition is...

Let's start in the past with Barry White, he was still out and about eating vegeatbles when Shania won her award...some people think he had some kind of sexy voice and yeah, those deep notes could be, but seriously, someone look at this man's coat. Someone look at this man's hair. Someone look at this man's lapels. There ain't nothing sexy about any of that and not eating meat does not increase the sexiness. Although, skipping a meal or two might have helped.

There's this funny thing that happens sometimes and it's been demonstrated perfectly here by Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day. Sometimes, people who think they're cool wear geeky clothes, because they think it's a bit of an oxymoron, like 'cool geek', but then they just look like a geek and prove the point that in fact they are said geek and not cool at all. Not eating meat does not make him any less of a geek, or any more cool. Or sexy for that matter.

Here's a completely random one, but I kinda feel sorry for him, in a way. There's a couple of things; his name is JD Fortune (not sexy), he has tattoos that say 'human' and 'being' on each arm (not sexy) and let's face it, he tried to replace one of the sexiest front men ever, Michael Hutchence, in INXS. He had no chance. Not eating meat didn't make him any sexier. Eating meat probably wouldn't either though. Poor fella.

Don't get me wrong, I love Ke$ha as much as the next trashy pop star, but there's one thing she isn't and that's sexy. You can see it for yourself. It's like she's doing that thing where unattractive people surround themselves with large people to make themselves seem more attractive. Hanging out with will.i.am, two dogs and a bunch of bearded old men doesn't make the hair, the accessories, the everything else ok and not eating meat doesn't make everything else ok either.


To eat meat or not to eat meat, that is the question. I don't really care much whether you do or don't, but just know, not eating meat will not make you any sexier* however, neither will eating meat, for that matter. Do what you want with your life.


*My version of sexy may not be yours. You might like bad geeky jackets, bad tattoos and bad hair? Good for you. You would have loved today's post. Wait 'til you see what I've got planned next week....

Where Is My Mind? - Ke$ha Hair...?

I googled 'worst hair in pop' and this image appeared. Excellent.

Well That's Not Happening...

by Jo Michelmore

It's been on my mind lately. My hair. Well, that is, not literally, as in, I know it's on top of my head, but my style. I love my 20's/50's/60's/80's/00's inspired hair, but every now and then I get a little bored. I have a friend who shaved his head recently and it's hot. I mean, really hot. Like, mega babe hot. I'm not saying I could do it, but what can I do?

I hav another friend who just chopped her long locks off & she looks a-may-zing. Like, beautiful amazing. Like, more beautiful than she was pre-cut, which is saying a lot, because she's gorgeous. That made me want a new style.

Even the guy that I buy my coffee from in the morning got a new style recently. It's not hot, but even he managed to find a style that he thinks works for him. Good for him. Who am I to say? 

So what should I do with mine? Chop it? Colour it? Shave it? I just don't know.

This brings me to where my mind is this week. Last week we left off on one of my faves, Jack White. Now, I'm the first to say I adore Jack. What a babe. His babe-ness for me though has less to do with his looks & more to do with his style. That guitar, those sounds, the understated style....but the hair? Let's face the facts, it's not good. Maybe I should look to some other musicians for inspiration....

I could get some inspiration from the early 90's and get something Kid N Play style, which is certainly a statement, but I don't quite know what that statement is. "I like Lego so I styled my hair to look like a Lego block?" I'd also have to start wearing over sized t-shirts and baggy pants in many colours. My style? Maybe not. I was never a big fan of Lego anyway, so that's not happening...

I could look more to the late 90's and look at someone like Keith Flint from The Prodigy. Now that's a hairstyle I haven't had before. Two horns of hair protruding from either side of my skull, dyed various shades of awful. I'd also have to start wearing chains, chokers and various piercings. I've already done the piercings so I might leave that one to the late 90's where it belongs. That's not happening....

Perhaps I should go further back and look at 80's Boy George in Culture Club. I already wear make up, probably a little less than Boy George, but I can work on that. It would be the preparation I'm probably not ready for. All those bits of stuff (what is half of that anyway?) tied in my hair? Who could be bothered, I have a tight schedule in the mornings and I'd have to be prepared to get reeeeally fat and quite creepy twenty years after this hairstyle. That's not happening....

I've got it. I look to someone from now. I get extensions on one side of my head and shave the other half. But that would involve me wandering around and saying things like "PUT YOUR HANDS UP!" and "TURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER UP!" and not much else of intelligence, Skrillex style. It would also involve people saying things like "nice Skrillex cut" to me, or am I the only one who does that to other people? Either way, that's not happening....

No wait. I'm going about this all wrong. I need to find a girls style to emulate. I've got it. I'm thinking Ke$ha. Cornrows, short shorts, an unattractive hoody and cheap gold. Lots of gold. That's me. Definitely. Except for just one thing. I'd have to hang out with will.i.am and well, the facts are, I don't like will.i.am and I have a funny life rule that I don't generally spend time with those I don't like, so you know what? Well, that's not happening....


Let's see where my trusted hairstylist takes me. It could be anywhere, like where my mind ends up each week. Who's to say...?

New Music Monday #35

Friend and Lover EP

by Nick and Liesl

Available 1 February, 2013

What do you do when you get knocked back on a grant to record a new album? If you're Nick Everitt and Liesl Karlsson, you put your home recording skills to good use and produce an acoustic EP so good, you'd think they'd recorded it in some swanky studio in Santorini with Quincy Jones on production duties. I'm just saying the quality is excellent on Nick and Liesl's Friend and Lover EP, which is sure to leave fans of the duo very happy while hopefully winning over some new ones too. More fans means less need to apply for grants which means a new album for our listening pleasure. My logic is sound. Opening with the title track, 'Friend and Lover' almost works as a bridge between debut album Feather and the next stage of their journey. It wouldn't have been out of place on their debut; a lovely song about love, Nick and Liesl being all cute and vocally talented, Everitt's open and honest writing style on display. Standard Nick and Liesl music goodness. Then 'Raphaël' happened and with one brazen, out of left field Carla Bruni cover I'm left blown away by their ability to find new ways to impress (and show off a little!). A complete departure from the sound I've come to expect in the most stunning way, Liesl gets her French on with the lustful 'Raphaël.' It's deserving of an immediate second play. 

'Missing You,' like 'Friend and Lover' is an older Nick and Liesl track recorded for the first time on this EP. They've worked some production magic on this one, because the sound is rich and full, with smatterings of strings, percussion, guitars and piano. Keep in mind the duo worked without a backing band. You're left discovering more layers to 'Missing You' each time you give it a listen. A second cover arrives in the form of John Mayer's 'Your Body Is A Wonderland.' A song that I've never willingly chosen to listen to until now. I can comfortably say I enjoyed Nick and Liesl's take on it and it must be a crowd pleaser live. A John Mayer fan may have a differing opinion. I am not a John Mayer fan. 

Nick and Liesl bring the EP to a close with new track 'Skipping Seasons.' It's a soulful, Karlsson written piano ballad that exists in a space that can be both sweet and tinged with sadness and longing. "Most of all I miss the spring flowers and the autumn mist." This is a really beautiful track; Liesl's vocal performance is exceptional, the harmonies with Nick are the best they've ever sounded (which is saying something - these two have voices that naturally come together to make magic happen) and the piano melody will make you melt. 'Skipping Seasons' is a song that will make people stop and pay very close attention. If this is a sign of what we can expect from their next album... uh, just thinking about it has me really excited for what's to come next. The last time I mentioned that whole "albums that end with a stellar, memorable ballad are the best" theory was in our review for Feather. Nick and Liesl know how to wrap things up; leaving you both satisfied and wanting more. Feather left me excited for what has become the Friend and Lover EP. The Friend and Lover EP has left me excited for their second LP. I hope we get to hear it soon.

Matt Bond gives the Friend and Lover EP five Nick Cave's out of five...

Where Are We Now

by David Bowie

Album: The Next Day (March, 2013)

See, the thing is, it’s going to sell, because, well, it’s David Bowie. Whether you love it or hate it, you can’t deny the voice, and even if you’re bored midway through, every now and then you hear the familiar sound of his vocal and remember all the other amazing songs you love, and then you start thinking about them and how you have to listen to some of your old Bowie again, and then the song is over and that’s ok, because you’re going to put on Space Oddity after this anyway.  

Jo Michelmore gives Where Are We Now three Britney's out of five...

NEW MUSIC VIDEOS OF THE WEEK:

C'mon

by Ke$ha

Album: Warrior (2012)

I was prepared to dislike this clip, which is the way I feel at the start of most Ke$ha clips and admittedly, I almost turned off after fifty or so seconds, but then a '70’s inspired van appeared Back To The Future style and some people in animal costumes started bouncing around to her typically annoying vocal and I knew that in a couple of weeks I’ll have seen the clip a hundred times and I’ll probably be smiling and singing along anyway, so why fight it and just admit defeat now. It’s Ke$ha. Accept it and learn to like it like I have, she’ll be hanging around for a while yet.

Jo Michelmore gives the video for C'mon three Britney's out of five...

Kiss You

by One Direction

Album: Take Me Home (2012) 

“I just wanna show you off to all of my friends, making them drool down their chinny-chin-chins”. There is a point in this clip where the most baby faced member of the group sings those lyrics while stroking his own baby faced chin. I have nothing more to say.  

Jo Michelmore gives the video for Kiss You one Dannii Minogue out of five...    

Top 20 - 18 November, 2012

The Blasko!

1. Sarah Blasko - Cast The Net (#1 for 3 weeks!)


 


2. Flight Facilities ft. Christine Hoberg - Clair De Lune





3. CSS - I've Seen You Drunk Gurl





4. Crystal Castles - Transgender





5. Foals - Inhaler

New Music Monday #25

G#

by Kitten

Album: Cut It Out EP (2012)

So you haven’t heard of Kitten? You’re going to want to do some research, quickly, because if this five piece keep recording songs like this one and making clips like this, they’re destined for great things. Heavy bass and filthy guitars drive the song with Chloe Chadez’s vocal floating beautifully above and you’ll probably keep on singing the end well after the song is finished; “I’ll see you all, I’ll see you all again...” see, I told you. The clip was filmed in a desert with friends of the band and the imagery reminds me of so many great films and bands; its apocalyptic, punk like and yet somehow totally beautiful. Take my advice; this is a band you need to know about. Watch. Love. Now. 

Jo Michelmore gives G# four Shirley Mansons out of five...

 

Got Me Wrong

by Alpines

Album: Early Hours EP (2012)

Alpines, Bob Matthews and Catherine Pockson, have come into our lives through the recommendation of one of our IMKOS Facebook friends (hey Jacob!) and with one song they've made me incredibly interested in hearing everything else they have to offer. That song is 'Got Me Wrong' and it handily sets up this London based duo to be the sleekest emerging electronic act around. Carefully balancing the fine line that separates style and substance, there's a healthy measure of both unleashed throughout the track. The gorgeous Catherine Pockson delivers her lines with a flair that drags you right into that 'eating out of the palm of her hand' territory. By the time you've heard the chorus, you're wishing that there's a club that's going to be playing 'Got Me Wrong' because its potential to be a true dance anthem is undeniable. "Cause you got me wrong, and you were so sure, that you had me all figured out, but you got me wrong." I feel like I've just listened to Azealia Banks' electronic equivalent. And I love it. 

Matt Bond gives 'Got Me Wrong' four Lady Gaga's out of five...

 

Die Young

by Ke$ha

Album: Warrior (November 30, 2012)

If someone was to die young, how unfortunate if 3 minutes and 33 seconds of their short and precious life was wasted on hearing this song.

Jo Michelmore gives Die Young one Dannii Minogue out of five...

NEW MUSIC VIDEOS

Your Body

by Christina Aguilera

Album: Lotus (November 13, 2012)

Christina Minaj? Not quite, but freeze the video at 1:58. Boom. That's a booty. Go on down to Primark or Target ladies and get yourselves some leopard print tights. They do wonders for the junk in your trunk. I'll stop now. Yes, the original dirrty girl has dropped the video for new single 'Your Body' and despite some sort of attempt at a plot, multiple costume changes, horrifying dreadlocks, a potentially ridiculous new jewellery trend ('Rich Bitch' necklace anyone?) and the completely necessary and 100% seductive 'writhing around on a bed while wearing lingerie' scene... it's nothing memorable. Oh, except for the booty. You'll remember that. Yowza. 

Matt Bond gives the Your Body video two Ke$ha's out of five...

She Wolf (Falling To Pieces)

by David Guetta ft. Sia

Album: Nothing But The Beat 2.0 (2012)

Speaking of booty, Guetta's offering up some werewolf derriere. Seriously though, the video for 'She Wolf' is so much better than the actual song. Beautiful imagery, timed explosions, an actual story. It would only have been better if Sia was the werewolf at the end. Can't have it all, can we? 

Matt Bond gives the She Wolf (Falling To Pieces) video three Britney's out of five...    

Song of the Day - Shots on the Hood of My Car

Ke$ha - Shots on the Hood of My Car

Album: TBA

It's ok everyone, the party can start because Ke$ha just walked in. She's got that glitter on her eye, a bottle of Jack and she's doing shots off the hood of her car. Odds on vomit being on her dress? Key-Dollar Sign-Ha has been hard at work, reportedly writing 200 songs that she'll be able to choose from for her sophomore album. The other 187 will be featured in the next Britney, Pussycat Dolls and Adam Lambert albums. Apparently the new LP is going to be a more experimental effort, so I suppose what she means is that she's actually going to sing this time. Either that or she'll drop the C-bomb a couple of times and try not to use the words glitter, Jack or party in a song. The weird thing is... I love Ke$ha; she's dirrty Christina Aguilera to Lady Gaga's Britney.

Oh... you want me to say something about the song. It's painfully average and doesn't come close to matching the awesomeness of any of her previous releases. But, that's ok. 'Shots on the Hood of My Car' is likely a filler track that's leaked. Out of those 200 songs, there's got to be at least one potential 'Tik Tok' level smash hit. Don't forget, this is the chicky-babe that wrote 'Till The World Ends.'

Rating: 2/5

Top 20 - 30 April, 2011



The reign of Santigold begins!



1. Santigold ft. Karen O - Go





2. Kimbra - Cameo Lover





3. Adele - Turning Tables





4. The Good Natured - Skeleton (NEW)





5. Lykke Li - Sadness Is A Blessing (NEW)

Music Video Mayhem: Lady Gaga, Ke$ha & Dr. Dre



Skeleton Gaga?


Well, well, well... look who it is. Fancy seeing you here, (insert your name here)! I knew you'd be back... they always come crawling back. Creepy welcome aside, we've got a new feature boys and girls. It's been quite the week for music videos, with some major names dropping some random, exciting, funny and even cringe-worthy clips for our enjoyment, so we'll be taking a look at them in the first installment of Music Video Mayhem. First up? It's Ke$ha. And she blows.

Ke$ha - Blow

First things first; the songs sucks (and blows). But in all honesty the video does wonders for it. Key-Dollar Sign-Ha brings the funny throughout the video... the story of how she became a member of the Uzbekistan parliament, "James Van Der-Douche," James Van Der-Dead and the sudden camera turns at the end all bring the fun. The awkward look on Ke$ha's face when Van Der Beek removes his bra? Priceless. Seriously though, from whence did she pull Dawson from and why?

Dr. Dre ft. Eminem and Skylar Grey - I Need A Doctor

Because there weren't enough mini-movie music videos already, right? This is like the exact opposite of 'Blow.' Awesome song, head-scratching video (and not in the intentional way that Ke$ha's was). The imagery of ze lady floating around is admittedly very cool, but what is going on? Is she a ghost? Why isn't Skylar Grey all up in this video? Is Dre becoming Frankenstein? Can anyone take super-serious Eminem's super serious face seriously anymore (say that ten times fast!)? Dude is wound up tight. The retrospective moments of Dre's career are very cool and the highlight of the whole video.

Lady Gaga - Born This Way


Pros:

The pink hair whippin' day of the dead girl in a suit dealio. That's an intriguing look.

Evil Gaga in black and white with the machine gun. Again, an intriguing look and cool imagery.

Dancing Gaga in the bikini outfit. Simple and effective.

Cons:

Everything else. Gaga giving birth to her own head? No thanks. The entire monologue at the start. W.. T.. F?

People are crying when they see this music video. CRYING. Seriously?

There's our three music videos for this edition. What do YOU think of them? Any winners?

Top 300 Songs of the 2000s, #190 - 181



Robbie Williams.


Before we get to our next ten songs in the countdown, I thought it would be my civil duty to make clear what you should already know... Lady Gaga's dropping her new track 'Born This Way' tomorrow. As you would know, this means that the Gagapocalypse is imminent. The world won't be able to handle what we're about to be hit with, so I just wanted to say thanks for reading, it's been a lot of fun! Yeah, I'm kidding, but only a little. This has been hyped up to be one of the biggest moments in the history of pop music and I've learnt not to be against my Queen, uh, I mean Lady Gaga. Moving right along, here's ten awesome songs from the 2000s...

#190 - Why Do You Love Me? (2005)

by Garbage

And I am not as pretty as those girls in magazines,

I am rotten to my core if they're to be believed...

Shirley... Shirley, Shirley, Shirley. Garbage managed to maintain their popularity throughout the 2000s but still ended up going on hiatus after the release of Bleed Like Me. But that's all about to change since they're reportedly back in the studio working on new material. This excites me. This excites me very, very much.

New Music - Tennis, Robyn, Ke$ha

Ke$ha - C U Next Tuesday

Haha that crazy Ke$ha... see what she did there?! In your face 'If You Seek Amy!' Regular readers would know that I have something of a soft-spot for Ke$ha (or Ke$h as I call her) so when I say this song is kind of sucky, you should know it hurts me. Ok, it doesn't, but you know what I mean, right? 'C U Next Tuesday' lacks a lot of the energy you'll generally find on a Ke$ha track and almost feels like a Katy Perry cast-off. Surprisingly, her winning lyrical style (in which she just seems to link one random incoherent thought with the next) has been replaced with a more generic form of pop writing. 'We R Who We R,' the first single off new album, Cannibal, is topping charts around the world. Given the quality of other songs being leaked from the album I'd say enjoy it while you can. Then again, I did say I was fairly disappointed with 'We R Who We R' too. 

 Rating: 1/5

Tennis - Take Me Somewhere

Nice and breezy... very chilled. Still, I don't see it to be the masterpiece that's making a whole lot of bloggers jizz in their pants. An enjoyable piece of music from a band that's sure to be huge over the next couple of years.

Rating: 3/5

Pink - Fuckin' Perfect

At some stage of the song I forgot that I was listening to Pink and could have sworn it was Kelly Clarkson. 'Fuckin' Perfect' has been confirmed as one of two new songs to be featured on Pink's greatest hits collection, along with current chart hit, 'Raise Your Glass.'

Rating: 2/5

Robyn - Time Machine

We're starting to hear a lot of new songs from Robyn's Body Talk pt. 3, which is due for release very soon. 'Time Machine' doesn't instantly hit you like previous hits, 'Dancing On My Own,' 'Hang With Me' and 'Indestructible,' but it's still better than the vast majority of pop music out there.

Rating: 3/5

Duffy - Endlessly

Gone is the bombshell found in previous single, 'Well, Well, Well,' and we're back to Duffy, first lady of soul. Expect this amazing little number to pop up in some British romantic-comedy before the end of next year.

Rating: 3.5/5

New Music - P!nk, Ke$ha + More

P!nk - Raise Your Glass

It's pretty much expected that when you release a 'Greatest Hits' album, you throw a couple of new songs on there so your fans aren't only buying music that they more than likely already own. It's also pretty much expected that these new songs will suck. P!nk is sadly no exception to that rule, with 'Raise Your Glass' being a bit of a stinker. I accept P!nk's usual ridiculousness, e.g. asking us to check her flow (AW!), but some of this is a bit too much. Too school for cool. Really? You can do better than this. But it's ok, because it's a greatest hits single... it's allowed to suck.

Rating: 2/5

Ke$ha - We R Who We R

If you like your song titles dumb, you're going to LOVE this one. But yeah, Ke$ha is going down the Gaga route by fast-tracking the release of her second album, Cannibal, which is out late November. First to be unleashed (I mean that in like a plague or flesh-eating virus way) on us is 'We R Who We R.' If you read my Plz Xplain: Ke$ha article, you'd know I was actually rooting for Ke$ha to pull out something amazing for her second album. You wouldn't call this amazing, but there's still a very, very, very tiny glimmer of hope that she'll have something worthwhile to offer on her sophomore album. Ok, you want some sort of review of the song? Why? Alright... I couldn't help comparing the actual music to a slowed down version of 'Just Dance.' That's strike one. The lyrics. "And no, you don't wanna mess with us. Got Jesus on my neck-a-lace." Strike two, even though it elicits a chuckle. If you're looking for strike three, you're not gonna get it from me. Despite everything against it, the chorus is catchy enough to ensure club play and I'm sure the video will be so bad that it's considered good and propel 'We R Who We R' to the top of the charts.

Rating: 2.5/5

Nicole Scherzinger - Poison

She's the Pussycat Doll that could actually sing. Actually, she was pretty much the only Pussycat Doll that did sing. A couple of years ago, Nicole tried to launch her debut album, Her Name Is Nicole, which had a couple of fun hip-hop songs (and a random duet with Sting) that was never released because of the commercial failure of her first two singles (Nicole says it was her decision). Scherzinger's been working hard to raise her profile recently; she won the last American Dancing With the Stars, appeared as a judge on the UK X-Factor and is reported to be one of the top choices to join the judging panel for the launch of the US X-Factor. What better time to start releasing new music than now? 'Poison' has its intriguing moments. The use of a heavy electric guitar riff is a nice touch. Everything else sounds like a standard Pussycat Doll song, which is something that Scherzinger is going to struggle to move away from. If she hadn't been the only woman to sing (or only woman that could sing) in the PCD it wouldn't be so damn hard to not consider her solo singles to just be another PCD song.

Rating: 2.5/5

Plz Xplain: Ke$ha

"If I smear glitter on my face, you don't have a choice... you WILL be more attracted to me."

Ke$ha to Entertainment Weekly

It's ok. You can admit it. You liked 'Tik Tok.' Really, there's nothing to worry about. Everyone did. While some would like to write it off as a sign of the apocalypse, 'Tik Tok' served as the perfect introduction to the party-girl pop of Ke$ha. Just to clarify, I didn't actually deny that it was a sign of the apocalypse. Opening with an identity crisis ("Wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy"), the ensuing three and a half minutes of chaos offer you the finest piece of pop trash that you're likely to hear in 2010. She raps, she sings, she brushes her teeth with a bottle of Jack. The less said about her taste in men, the better. Mick Jagger is old enough to be your grandfather young lady. That's just nasty. As you'd be well aware, her debut was a huge commercial success. It topped the charts in 11 countries which included a 9 week stay at the top of the US Billboard Hot 100, the most time spent at #1 for a debut single from a female artist in over 30 years.

With great success comes parody and comparison and Ke$ha received both in spades. Two hilariously amazing parodies of the 'Tik Tok' video came in the form of 'Glitter Puke' from The Key of Awesome (look out for the shot of her contract that states she must act like a drunken whore at all times) and more notably, The Midnight Beast's version, which turned them into an overnight sensation on YouTube. The latter parody would of course point out what we all had no choice but to think... Does she think she's Gaga? "Just Dance... Bad Romance... Now let's copy Poker Face like Oh-Wa-Oh-Oh." Lady-freaking-Gaga, the bane of female solo artists since 2008. Yes, you can find many similarities between the Queen of the Monsters and Ke$ha; they are both female (although some will argue against it), both have achieved incredible success upon their debut, both dabble in the realms of electronic pop. Each woman writes her own music and achieved limited success writing for and singing backing vocals for other artists before breaking it big. Notable themes for both revolve around the pursuit of fame and a desire for the glamorous, although they come at this from very different angles. Gaga is all about the Hollywood glamour. Ke$ha wants you to party with her at the local strip club. Gaga is Campari and the finest of champagnes. Ke$ha is that cheap, random vodka you settle for when you can't afford Smirnoff. In no way is what I'm saying trashing Ke$ha... I feel like she'd be in complete agreement! Ke$ha is of a completely different breed than Gaga and she's all the better for it.

What I want you to understand is Ke$ha is that fun party girl that any of us could know. She makes fun of herself and a very large section of the youth of today in virtually every music video and every song that she's released. Which brings us to our next topic, her subsequent single releases following 'Tik Tok.' They've been less than stellar. The lyrics in 'Blah Blah Blah' can potentially melt your brain. Guests 3OH!3 offer the most offensive line of the year with, "Coz I don't care who you are, in this bar, it only matters who I is." 'Your Love Is My Drug' followed soon after and would have been the better choice to come after 'Tik Tok.' Decent is probably the best word to describe it, but it didn't cause offence to the ears at any time. When she's actually singing, she gives off a bit of a Katy Perry vibe. Her latest single, 'Take It Off,' well... I feel like I'm laughing WITH her the whole time, so that's kind... of... good... right? I can't say I've actually spoken with anyone who's a fan, but it's her fourth top ten hit from her debut album, Animal. The possible problem here could be that we, being anyone over the age of 18, just aren't the real target audience here. The majority of Ke$ha's sales come in the form of paid digital downloads. Who downloads the most? Tweenagers. If you thought Gen X and Y were bad, wait until these kids grow up. Kidding. Kinda.

The real question is, where does she go from here? Sophomore albums are generally make or break for female artists. Will thunder strike twice? I'm going to be cautiously optimistic and say that there's no reason why it shouldn't. I know, I know, trash pop = bad. It's just that underneath all my snide remarks and witty jokes that would seem to be against her, I can't help finding myself rooting for her to succeed. She's the young American girl that's worked hard to realise her dream. Currently, she's on top of the world. Whether or not she can manage to stay there (or if she crashes in a spectacular fashion and becomes crazy-Ke$ha ala B.Spears) is what's really going to make her interesting.