It's All Coming Back To Me Now - I'd Rather Have a Root Canal, Thanks

James Blunt, looking as attractive as ever. No wonder I'd rather visit the dentist.

Nah, I'd Rather Have A Root Canal, Thanks

by Jo Michelmore

As a person who writes on a music blog, I can tell you, inspriation comes in all sorts of strange ways. Sometimes it can be a youtube clip you've stumbled across, sometimes it can be a conversation, sometimes it can be what you overhear on public transport or in a queue and sometimes, every now and then, inspiration arrives in even stanger places.


Recently, I found myself at the dentist. Just a routine checkup, thanks. This resulted in a procedure I wasn't expecting....the root canal. Now, to some people those two words are incredibly scary, but let me put your mind at ease. It's alright, you know? Just a dental procedure, none of them are that pleasant so you just do what you gotta do and get these things done. Luckily, my dentist is a lovely guy and while working on my teeth had a one sided (are they any other way when the dentist has his fingers in your mouth?) conversation with me about Abba. It was rivetting, let me tell you.


After he'd finished, I noticed the 'soothing' music playing in the surgery; Macy Gray followed by Kelly Clarkson. Neither too offensive, but it did get me thinking about this - while Kelly and Macy are ok, there are some songs I hate. Songs that drive me crazy. So that brings me to the inspiration for this week, which struck me in the dentists chair....


Sometimes, I'd rather have a root canal than have to listen to...

...anything by Blink 182. Just saying. But also...


Something not too old, but completely hate worthy. Since 2004, people have played this at weddings, which has always confused me, because it's actually kind of creepy, about a guy stalking a girl on a train and to make it even better, they never get together. 'You're Beautiful'? More like wedding song for the future divorcee. How romantic.


James Blunt? I'd rather have a root canal than listen to this...

 

While James Blunt has that annoyingly high voice, I'll take us to the other end of the spectrum, those crazy Canadians with the deep voiced singer, the Crash Test Dummies, from 1993. I don't know if they're crazy, in fact, I know nothing about them, other than to say that twenty years ago they performed one of the most annoying songs of all time. Even the name is annoying; 'Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm'. It just made radio announcers and music TV hosts sound like they had a speech impediment. 

Crash Test Dummies? I'd rather have a root canal than listen to this...

 

While we're in the 90's let's talk one of the most annoying songs I think has ever been recorded. I don't know why, but there's just something, something incredibly irritating about those first notes and then those first words "I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes". What? Somekind of fungal infection? Love Is All Around? Nope. There's no love anywhere with this song. This is so incredibly average, so middle of the road it makes me ill. I just can't stand it.  It was also played a bazillion times in 1994, which probably doesn't help it's cause. To top it all of, it was recorded by a band called Wet Wet Wet. There's nothing to like here.


Wet Wet Wet? I'd rather have a root canal than listen to this...

Just because I'm actually a nice blogger, and I don't want you to have to suffer much more, I'll leave you with just one more. Let's give the 80's some credit for awful-ness-ness. Lionel Richie just seemed to have this way of being....creepy, but in 1985, I think he was the creepiest. Not only does 'Say You, Say Me' have an incredibly weird bridge, where a ballad suddenly turns into an 80's dance number, but it also contains the lyrics;

"I had a dream I had an awesome dream, 
people in the park playing games in the dark 
and what they played was a masquerade
and from behind walls of doubt a voice was crying out" 

Well Lionel, you can say 'you' all you want, but don't ever say 'me' as well, 'cause that's a park I don't want to find myself in after dark. Creep.

Lionel Richie? I'd rather have a root canal than listen to this...

 

It's All Coming Back To Me Now - Imma Let You Finish Watching The Olympics, But...

And then this happened...

Imma Let You Finish Watching The Olympics, But...

Here Are Some Songs I'd Rather Listen To Than Watch The Olympics

by Jo Michelmore

There’s this event happening at the moment, you might have heard something about it. They call it the Olympics. I know, I know, they’ve been going for thousands of years, tradition, sports-person-ship, medals, blah blah blah. I don’t mean to be the negative one, and I don’t want to be a hater, but you know what? Right now, I hate the Olympics. I can’t think of much more boring than the Olympics. A whole bunch of sports I’d never watch, a whole bunch of people I’ve never heard of running around tracks, throwing things, swinging things, jumping on things, jumping into things, jumping over things, peddling things; the list goes on and on and I haven’t even mentioned my two least favourite things about the Olympics, the opening and closing ceremonies. They’re like embarrassing school plays that go on for hours, that you’re forced to sit through, to see a glimpse of something slightly entertaining which never, ever eventuates. They. Are. So. Boring. SO. BORING. See, I even capitalised that. There’s another thing I hate about the Olympics. The incredibly dreary and tiresome songs that come with the Olympics. This year? It’s something to do with Gary Barlow, because the host of this year’s Olympics, England, had to justify giving him an OBE, I suppose. What’s this all got to do with vintage music? This week, in celebration of our 1000th post and the most boring event of the last four years, I nominate the worst songs I’d rather listen to 1000 times than have to watch any more of the Olympics. They’re quite bad and just a small indicator of how much I dislike Olympics time. Thankfully, it's only once every four years.

Don McLean - American Pie (1971)

It’s a running joke amongst people who know me that I dislike this song. I’ve got news for them. It’s not a joke. I dislike this song. It’s just so damn boring. There are all sorts of rumours/thoughts/speculation about what the actual subject matter is, with the most popular belief that it’s about the tragic death of American clean cut singer Buddy Holly in 1959. Maybe it is about that, but I can’t ever get past the first minute to care enough to find out. This song goes for Eight minutes! Eight minutes! Yes, you read that correctly. This boring piece of snore goes for eight minutes. If I listened to that 1000 times I would be listening for about five and half days. That’s twelve days less than the Olympics run for. I still win.