A to Z of the 80s - O is for What I Wish Meghan Trainor Was...

...One Hit Wonder

by Jo Michelmore

If Meghan Trainor is good for one thing, it's the fact that she has inspired the O in the A to Z of the 80s. After all, while having to endure hearing her whinny about Marvin Gaye in a shop this week, I couldn't help but think to myself, why couldn't she have just gone away after that bass song? As annoying as it was, it was a perfect candidate for a one hit wonder. The ultimate ear worm, it got stuck in your head for days, you knew all the words and may have had a hum the bazillionth time you heard it. But then she had to release another and another and alas, we're still hearing Ms Trainor on commercial radio and commercials now and will be for months to come. Has the music industry gotten too savvy? Has social media killed the one hit wonder? Where have they gone? They're all stuck in the 80s it seems...

"You know I like my girls a little bit older, I just want to use your love tonight"...clearly The Outfield were banned from music after that lyric.

 "Operate that body, operate on me"...I do not understand how a band with a trio of keyboardists, those costumes and novelty over sized phone didn't have another hit. This is a travesty. 

"I will have you, like a butterfly, a wild butterfly, I will collect you and capture you"...Animotion went on to have a successful career in insect taxidermy. Maybe. I kind of hope so. 

"Out in the street, you don't survive by being weak"...I'm just hoping either Ollie or Jerry were actually Bear Gyrlls.Or Eminem.

"You didn't know that rock n roll burned, so you bought a candle and you lived and your learned"...how did Great White not have another hit? Like a power ballad? HOW? HOW I ASK YOU?

"Chik, chika chika"...and if this doesn't get stuck in your head for a couple of hours, perhaps you should subject yourself to some Meghan Trainor. You're welcome.

Song Review - Marvin Gaye

MARVIN GAYE

by Charlie Puth ft Meghan Trainor

So this afternoon I was innocently driving home when all of a sudden I was attacked by this song called 'Marvin Gaye'. I didn't deserve it. "Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on, you've got the healing that I want, just like they say it in the song, until the dawn, let's Marvin Gaye and get it on." After those opening lines I was considering crashing my car or taking the emergency exit and rolling out the door and into traffic to get away from it. Can this song just not? Can Charlie Puth not? Can Meghan Trainor not? Can the sped up beat and music that appears to have been appropriated from Paloma Faith's 'Only Love Can Hurt Like This' not?

 

And seriously, can everyone please leave Marvin Gaye alone? In death, the Motown icon can not catch a break. When people aren't stealing his music and making kinda rape-y songs they're just going all out to tarnish his name with absolute shit, like this track from 'All About That Bass' girl and whoever Charlie Puth is. Enough is enough. LEAVE MARVIN ALONE! Someone go make that video. A strong contender for worst song of the year. 

Matt Bond gives 'Marvin Gaye' zero heads out of five...

Song Review - Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband

by Meghan Trainor

Album: Title (available now)

I stumbled across Meghan Trainor’s next single, ‘Dear Future Husband’ on the radio earlier in the week. I didn’t think much of it, it sounded exactly like a Meghan Trainor song, which all sound like any pretend doo-wop song, but not as good as a real doo-wop song. My blog, my opinion. I heard it again yesterday and I really listened to it this time.


My hackles were raised (what’s a hackle anyway?) and everything got all sorts of annoying. Why? Because...


“I’ll be the perfect wife, buying groceries…” 


Without mentioning the whole concept of the feminist movement, name me another good pop song that mentions groceries.


“And after every fight, just apologise…even if I’m wrong” 


With that kind of attitude, you ain’t getting yourself a husband, wife or housemate anytime soon Meghan. No one likes self-righteousness.


And one last thing...

 
“Open doors for me and you might get some kisses” 


Why do you need doors opened for you Meghan? I’ve seen your clips and I’m pretty sure you have two arms in perfectly good order. Open your own doors, because you can, and open them for others, because you’re a nice person, not because of rewards.


I'm exhausted. Someone put some Taylor on so I know pop music isn't dead.

Jo Michelmore gives ‘Dear Future Husband’ one bald Britney head out of five…

The A to Z of Pop - W is for WTF

The A to Z of Pop

by Jo Michelmore

It was actually a couple of weeks ago that I first knew what the W in the A to Z of Pop would stand for. One part of me just wanted to post clips of Robbie Williams, another part of me wanted to post pics of pop stars that deserve the hashtag that has become popular amongst those of our IMKOS team who attended BIGSOUND - #wankwankwank (and no, I myself do not think Robbie Williams and that hashtag could be one and the same thing, although I understand a lot of people would disagree with me). 

W was inspired when a friend of mine got out of their car one day to meet me and proclaimed upon seeing me; "Pop music. Like, just...WTF?" (yes, they did use the letters, not the words and hence the G-rating of this post). When I enquired as to what they meant exactly, they described their confusion at the songs they had recently heard on the radio and why they were angry and a more than a little confused. Now, dear readers, I shall share their confusion with you and maybe you can shed some light on the matter. Or not. Either way, I'm gonna admit, I kinda agree with my friend and I guess that's why we're friends.

"I'm bringing booty back"

Er, Meghan, where do you think booty went? Booty has actually never gone anywhere, except for maybe a brief year or two in the early 90s when heroin chic became such a thing, but even then, Sir-Mix-A-Lot was going on about Becky's butt well before Nicki started on about anacondas, so how could you possibly be bringing it back? WTF?

"Bring the beat back"

Katy, the beat never went anywhere. Just because you decided to ignore it with what I personally consider is your worst song, the actual beat never disappeared. It's written into your freakin song. The beat never went anywhere. You stopped it. This is a tool sometimes used in music. Stop pretending you didn't know it was going to happen. WTF?

"Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?"

You know what Sheeran? The cheek is actually the soft part of your face below your eyes. If your eyes were on your cheeks, they'd actually be in the middle of your face, next to your nose and that would just be weird. Or they'd be on your butt and now we're just getting back to old mate Trainor and her claim to bring booty back from somewhere and this is why I dedicated the S in the A to Z of Pop to you. WTF?