My advice? Never date anyone in a blue velvet jacket, Katy. Never.
And A Little Advice
by Jo Michelmore
When you work amongst the general public, you overhear some interesting conversations. Some conversations are just darn boring, but some are fabulously juicy. This week, I've heard conversations about whose responsibility it is to take in the laundry, what time Jeff finishes work, who is meeting who for dinner tomorrow night and the best, what 'she' said when she saw 'him' with another girl ('she' apparently didn't say much, but went home, cried and drank a bottle of wine instead).
The thing is, when you overhear some conversations, you just want to do one of a couple of things. You either want to tell people to "SHUT UP!", you want to know more (like, where did that girl see her boyfriend? With who? And what were they actually doing?) or the third option, you want to offer some advice. Like, dump that loser, don't waste your nights drowning your sorrows in wine, have some fun, drink some champagne instead and while you're at it, find someone better!
Last week, it all ended with Taylor Swift and well, I'd have a whole lot of advice for her, because we all know about her long list list of boyfriends. Actually, maybe we don't, but let's just say she's had a few. There'd be a couple I think she might have written this song for, which also happens to be one of my favourite pop songs, like, ever...
...but there's one boyfriend in particular I don't think I can ever forgive ol' Swifty for. If I overheard Swifty talking about this guy, I'd just say it straight out. No. Just no. Like, how could she?
Really, John Mayer? It's pretty simple. That's the trouble with writing questions like this in average songs. Who says you can't get stoned? I do, you're dull enough already and it is a long time since 22, you're 36 dude and you're an old, unattractive and let me say booooring 36 at that. If I overheard your conversation about any of your girlfriends, I'd tell you that you were lucky you found any with that hairstyle. Sort yourself out, get a haircut and stop bothering other pop stars, like...
.... poor Katy Perry seems to see something in John boring Mayer, because as far as I know, they're dating right now. Like, they could be on a date, right at the minute you're reading this. Maybe they're at a film or sharing an ice cream or eating a romantic dinner or...this is making me want to vom. If I overheard any of Katy's conversations about her ex husband, I'd tell her she was a fool, a fool I tell you for letting him go! She should have stuck to kissing girls, or stuck to her ex who's kissed a lot of girls (and boys as well, I think...)
I've never strayed away from the music on my posts, but it was such an easy excuse to post a Russell Brand clip, I just couldn't resist. It's Rock Of Ages, so it's kinda music(al) related, deal with it. There is just something about old Russ I can't resist. It's fine if you don't like him, I understand, you have no taste. Yes, I declare my love for Russell Brand, here, publicly, now. I know, I know, I don't know why I still find him attractive with a mullet and those braces and terrible acting and the awful singing. Actually, is that him singing? I don't care, I still love him. If I overheard Russell talking about any of his girlfriends, I'd probably not be listening anyway, I'd just be staring, probably a little creepy like. But he's Russell Brand, so he should be used to that. Lots of people find him attractive. People like...
Geri Halliwell. Oh Geri. You were one fifth of one of the greatest pop groups ever! You did so well dating Russell, how could you have turned into...this? It's not the worst tune in the world, but the lyrics? The clip? I'm so sorry it's come to this Geri. I may not be able to help much with you with your career, beside giving your youtube account a couple more hits, but if I overheard you talking about your ex, I'd offer you (and a whole bunch of other people) some advice. You're looking for another half? I have some news. There's no such person. They don't exist. You are one whole person, there's no half missing. This might be hard for some people to get and let's face it, I'm getting a little serious now, but I've overheard enough conversations and it's the godamn truth. The minute you stop looking for another half, you'll find a whole and that's much more fun than half a person now, isn't it?
Next week? More dating advice? Great pop groups? Bad pop groups? People who should dress better when filming their music clips? Geri really could take us anywhere...
