A to Z of the 80s - P is for Party

But Not Like Prince

by Jo Michelmore

The 80s are responsible for a lot of things that are probably best forgotten, some of which I've already written about in this alphabet of mine. But there's one thing from the 80s that I blame all of my disappointments on. If only I hadn't heard one song, things would have turned out so differently. I'd have happily gone along my merry way, never thinking I was missing out on something, wondering why everyone else was having such a good time while I was like a lost puppy, waiting around for things to happen. I'm sure if it hadn't been for that one goddamn 80s song about the 90s then...

...S Club 7 would have been S Club 8. I'd obviously be the '8th'. Duh.

Instead of just seeing the Vengaboys the second time around, I'd be driving the Vengabus...

And I might have liked this (but probably not)...

Alas, here I am, still waiting for the greatest night of my life, a party filled with fireworks and funny coloured cocktails and dancing and midgets wandering around with bowls of cocaine on their heads like it's 1999. Or something. Maybe? I was there in 99. Even it wasn't that great. If I hadn't heard that song about 1999 in the 80s then I would have enjoyed all the parties I went to, not thinking there was a better one out there somewhere. In fact, I'd probably have done more of this...

and less of this...

The 80s have a lot to answer for. Damn you Prince.