Such Hip, Much Valentine's

Love is in the air, everywhere I look around. Well, love is the major theme in every newsagency I've walked into and lingerie or chocolate store I've passed by lately. Because nothing says 'love' like frilly and red Playboy panties. Anywho, Saint Valentine's Day is almost upon us, the one day of the year that's all about love, love, love. It's easy to be a hater if, like me, you're the perennial single, listening to stories from your loved up friends about all the romantic things they have planned. Does it cross their minds as they detail their purchases from Naughty and Nice that we're resisting so many urges to hurl all over them? I doubt it, but you know what, it shouldn't. We should be happy for them. I guess. Whatever.


To mark my shift from outright disdain to unaffected apathy, I thought I'd help out those amongst us struggling to find the right playlist for their prospective paramour. You'll go online and find a plethora of love song mixtapes featuring All-4-One's 'I Swear' or Whitney Houston's 'Saving All My Love' at the best and Jimmy Buffett's 'Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw' or James Blunt's 'You're Beautiful' at the worst. Note well, songs about stalking, no matter how passive, are not going to endear you to your man and/or lady love. You're a hip young thang that wants to leave an impression through your musack choices (which probably just means you want to get some [some some of this in a bun?]). Well, you just think of me as your musical wingman. Here's a playlist that will leave potential lovers* impressed enough to momentarily forget everything that's wrong with you. Or not. Whatever.

VALENTINE'S DAY PLAYLIST 2014

by Matt Bond

XO

by Beyoncé

Romantic lyrics you can share with your beloved:  

"Your face is all that I see, I'll give you everything, baby love me lights out." 

Translation: You're all up in my face, but I've had too much to drink so I'mma gon' pass out now, babe.

With Love

by Christina Grimmie

Romantic lyrics you can share with your soul mate:  

"You fought my flaws, my teeth, my claws, with love, with love."

Translation: I love you because you're cool with me biting and/or scratching you. 

How Long Will I Love You

by Ellie Goulding

Romantic lyrics you can share with your new-found love:

"How long will I love you? As long as stars are above you."

Translation: This is a one night thing and in a couple of hours you'll be taking the walk of shame. 

PrimeTime

by Janelle Monáe ft. Miguel

Romantic lyrics you can share with your life partner:

"Cause baby it's a primetime for our love, ain't nobody peekin' but the stars above."

Translation: I've set up a hidden camera in the bedroom.

Look of Love

by The Jezabels

Romantic lyrics you can share with your eternal flame:

"You got me lit up with a look of love, I could take you in a pick up truck, like I'm choking."

Translation: DO NOT GET IN THE TRUCK!

 

All Of Me

by John Legend

Romantic lyrics you can share with you one and only:

"Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you, you're my end and my beginning, even when I lose I'm winning."

Translation: Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you, you're my end and my beginning, even when I lose I'm winning. What? If you're going to trust somebody on the whole 'love' thing, it might as well be John Legend. 

Bound 2

by Kanye West
 

Romantic lyrics you can share with your better half:

"I wanna f*ck you hard on the sink, after that give you something to drink, step back, can't get spunk on the mink, I mean damn, what would Jerome Romey Romey Rome thing?"

Translation: I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. I also love your booty and yes, I mean both your money and 'junk-in-trunk' booty.
 

Unconditionally

by Katy Perry

Romantic lyrics you can share with your significant other:

"Acceptance is the key to be, to be truly free, will you do the same for me?" 

Translation: Will you accept me for the jerk I am, if I do the same for you? I'll throw in me not muttering under my breath that I hate your face each time you stop talking.

Old School Love

by Lupe Fiasco ft. Ed Sheeran

Romantic lyrics you can share with your special someone:

"And give me that old school love right now, you know when I hold you, you won't be alone."

Translation: Me hold you. You not alone. Duh.  
 

Love Letters

by Metronomy
 

Romantic lyrics you can share with the [x] of your dreams:

"You're got me writing love letters, I'll always write you love letters."

Translation: And one day, long after we've broken up, I'll probably do up a letter made from magazine clippings and post it to you. Something like this...  

 

Fall In Love

by Phantogram

Romantic lyrics you can share with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with:

"Love, it cut a hole into your eyes, you couldn't see, you were the car I crashed, now you're burning alive."

Translation: N/A 

Love Sublime

by Tensnake ft. Nile Rogers and Fiora

Romantic lyrics you can share with your darling admirer: 

"Don't wake me, I feel it, our love sublime."

Translation: Yes, I care, but I also care about sleeping so kindly eff off.  

Light up the candles, put the champagne on ice and set up the playlist ready to play in full over on 8tracks.com, you filthy animals.

*Like Liz Lemon, I hate the word 'lovers' without meat in front of it and pizza after. 

Valentine's Day Playlist



Do you have an 'Endless Love?'


Yesterday you saw the Anti-Valentine's Day Playlist, so in the interest of journalistic integrity (fair and balanced blah blah blah) I had to do a proper Valentine's Day Playlist for all the lovers out there. No hate kids, no hate! You can find it over at YouTube by clicking HERE. It caters to all types of love, such as;

Gangsta Love

Eve ft. Alicia Keys - Gansta Lovin'

Jay-Z & Beyonce - '03 Bonnie & Clyde

Anti-Valentine's Day Playlist

Alanis: Are you thinking of me when you... 


Whether you're single and powerful or desperate and dateless, don't let Valentine's Day get you down! Embrace this Anti-Valentine's Day playlist and all your troubles will fly out the window. Most of these tunes are the perfect way to say F U to St. Valentine and his sappy, commercialized day promoting that thing you hate the most (until you find yourself crushing on someone or in a relationship, then you'll be back on the bandwagon you lousy turncoat)... LOVE. You can find the playlist over at YouTube by clicking HERE and you can check out the song list below. Enjoy getting your hate on, V-Day haters! For the lovers, check back tomorrow for a real Valentine's Day playlist...

Anti-Valentine's Day Playlist

Cee-Lo Green - F*ck You

Alanis Morissette - You Oughta Know

Kelis - Caught Out There

Ben Folds - Song For The Dumped

Blu Cantrell - Hit 'Em Up Style

Lily Allen - Never Gonna Happen

Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You

Eamon - F*ck It (I Don't Want You Back)

OutKast - Roses

TLC - No Scrubs

Weird Al Yankovic - One More Minute

Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone

Pink - You Make Me Sick

Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way

Def Leppard - Love Bites

Cake - I Will Survive



Australia Day Playlist...

I wish they all could be Australian girls...



Well, tomorrow is the big day... Australia Day! Sure the JJJ Hottest 100 goes for most of it, counting down the best songs of 2010 as voted by the people... but what are you going to play for the rest of the day? How about an Australian only playlist?! It's My Kind of Scene has fifty songs handily put together for your convenience which you can access over at YouTube via THIS LINK RIGHT HERE KIDS. The full track list is...


1. Silverchair - Tomorrow

2. Missy Higgins - Scar

3. The Avalanches - Since I Left You

4. Powderfinger - My Happiness

5. Gotye - Eyes Wide Open

6. The Grates - Science Is Golden

7. Empire of the Sun - Walking On A Dream

8. Howling Bells - Low Happening

9. Josh Pyke - Make You Happy

10. Pnau - Baby

11. Miami Horror - Sometimes

12. Operator Please - Back and Forth

13. INXS - Need You Tonight

14. Frenzal Rhomb - Never Had So Much Fun

15. Cut Copy - Hearts On Fire

16. Midnight Juggernauts - Into The Galaxy

17. The Veronicas - Untouched

18. Machine Gun Fellatio - Rollercoaster

19. The Superjesus - Gravity

20. AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long

21. Little Red - Coca Cola

22. Old Man River - La

23. Art vs Science - Parlez Vous Francais

24. Magic Dirt - Plastic Loveless Letter

25. Paul Mac - Just the Thing

26. Josh Abrahams ft. Amiel - Addicted To Bass

27. Kylie Minogue - Can't Get You Out of My Head

28. Bodyjar - One In A Million

29. Grinspoon - Just Ace

30. Hilltop Hoods - The Nosebleed Section

31. Sia - Clap Your Hands

32. The Presets - Are You the One?

33. Bag Raiders - Sunlight

34. The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition

35. The Vines - Get Free

36. Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl

37. Lisa Mitchell - Coin Laundry

38. Sam Sparro - Black and Gold

39. Eskimo Joe - From the Sea

40. Architecture in Helsinki - That Beep

41. Sarah Blasko - We Won't Run

42. Cold Chisel - Flame Trees

43. Jessica Mauboy - Burn

44. Men at Work - Down Under

45. Killing Heidi - Weir

46. Regurgitator - Polyester Girl

47. Spiderbait - Calypso

48. Wolfmother - Joker and the Thief

49. Little Birdy - Beautiful To Me

50. John Farnham - You're The Voice
 
 
Enjoy!
 



Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas...

Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!

So... have you forgiven me for taking away your Christmas spirit with some of the worst offenders in the history of music? No? Well... this is sufficiently awkward. Maybe you'll reconsider after listening to some of the best songs that will get you into the spirit of the season. Like I said yesterday, I'm not a Christmas hater, and here's some Xmas tunes that always bring a smile to my dial... enjoy!

Joni Mitchell - River

It's kind of like 'Jingle Bells' in the piano tune. However, unlike 'Jingle Bells,' it's good! 

Glee - Baby It's Cold Outside

Yes, the Glee version was very good... get out of my face about it. But... Zooey Deschanel is better than Glee. If Disney weren't evil and blocking people from sharing the video, I'd have Zooey Deschanel and Leon Redbone's version from Elf.

Mean Girls - Jingle Bell Rock

Because nothing says Christmas like skanks. Nothing. Oh Lindsay... you had so much potential. 

The Carpenters - Merry Christmas Darling


Oh Karen... you had so much potential. Wait, you realised yours. Kudos.

Billy Mack - Christmas Is All Around

It's like Hilary Duff's cover of 'Last Christmas;' equal parts hilarious and disturbing. This time though, it's in a good way.

Olivia Olson - All I Want For Christmas Is You

Tough break, Mariah. Trumped by a minor. Argh, now I must watch Love, Actually.

Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree


Apparently most of my 'good' Christmas songs have been in awesome Christmas movies. Like 'Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree' which was in Home Alone. Don't worry, I know it's a lot older than Home Alone. A LOT older.

Pearl Jam - Let Me Sleep (It's Christmas Time)

Billy Corgan, take note... this is how you do a Christmas song.

Frank Sinatra - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

I don't know why, but I think 'Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas' is one of the saddest songs of all time. And you should know by now how much I love sad songs.

The Pogues ft. Kirsty MacColl - Fairytale of New York

There's a reason why it re-enters the UK charts each and every year...

And there you have it boys and girls. If that's not enough to bring back your Christmas spirit (which I probably took away from you yesterday - ironic twist!), then I don't know what will. Anywho... happy holidays kids!

Have Yourself A Very Unmerry Christmas...

Don't worry, I'm not hating on Christmas aka Xmas aka a holiday we can't talk about so as not to offend anyone who might not be celebrating it. We're just going to take a look at some Christmas music faux pas that our ears have been tortured with over the years. I say some, because there are far too many to feature in just one post. We could spend a day listening to Hilary Duff and Mariah Carey alone. Just kidding Mariah, not all your Christmas songs were bad. I'm not joking about the Duff though, so who better to start with than her?

Hilary Duff - Last Christmas

The way she throws in her whispered "Merry Christmas" lines are equal parts ridiculous and hilarious (unintentionally of course).

John Denver - Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas)

... ... ... ... ... right. What a curious (?) insight into Denver's childhood.

N'Sync - The Christmas Song

Why Justin Timberlake walked away from N'Sync I'll never understand. This is just beautiful music.

Hanson - Christmas Time

Kill me.

Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas

The charity single. Bad on most days, excruciatingly painful when it's about Christmas.

Cyndi Lauper - Christmas Conga

Oh Cyndi... Cyndi, Cyndi, Cyndi. tsk tsk. "Bonga Bonga Bonga... do the Christmas Conga!" I have inside info that the CIA use this song as a form of torture.

The Beach Boys - Santa's Beard

Kill me... part 2.

Clarence Carter - Back Door Santa

It's ok... if you're not paying attention to the lyrics. 

Smashing Pumpkins - Christmas Time

You couldn't really call it a bad song, but there's something about 'Christmas Time' that creeps me out. I call it the Corgan Factor.

Destiny's Child - 8 Days of Christmas

So... has your precious Christmas Spirit been destroyed? Never fear... coming very soon to a certain blog near you, we'll be looking at some of the better Christmas songs. Stay tuned!

Halloween Pop Playlist

Alright, here's the last of the Halloween playlists and this one's for the pop fans! Think of this as the anti-hipster playlist. Luckily I did a hipster playlist, so everyone's a winner. If you really want, you can combine all four playlists into a 40 song megalist (sometimes I make up words) and hopefully keep everyone at the party happy! Who am I kidding, it's impossible to satisfy everyone's music tastes... good luck!

Halloween Pop Playlist

Lady Gaga - Monster

I'm looking forward to seeing some interesting Gaga costumes on Halloween. Hopefully someone will go all out and strap some grade A beef to their body ala the VMA meat dress. That would be nasty and slightly impressive. Anyway, she's the Queen of the Monsters, we're all her little monsters and you won't find a more appropriate trashy pop song to play on Halloween than 'Monster.'

Rihanna - Disturbia

It's like that movie Disturbia... only not.

Evanescence - Haunted

Where exactly does Evanescence fit in? Most hardcore metal fans dismiss them as pop/rock and they do sell a lot of records so that makes them popular so I guess they're pop. Now that's logic. P.S. Amy Lee, I love you!

Ne-Yo - Beautiful Monster

Can there really be such a thing as a beautiful monster? Isn't that a binary opposition?

Sneaky Sound System - UFO

Aliens and astronauts can boogie to this one. Well, everyone can boogie to this one, but aliens and astronauts will look funny.

Little Boots - Ghost

Have I mentioned enough how lame it is to dress up as a ghost? I need to clarify that this only applies to adults. There's a kid's happy ghost costume (a sheet with a smiley face on it - 29.99) which was actually pretty cute. So kids - you can go as ghosts. Adults - I'll call you lame.

Nelly Furtado - Maneater

Cannibalism is scary and also illegal.

Florence + The Machine - Howl

... I just wanted to get Florence on here. It does work though!

Soko - I'll Kill Her

There's nothing funny about death threats. The police take this very seriously. Trust me...

James Blunt - You're Beautiful

1. It's about stalking which is scary and also illegal. 2. It's James Blunt and that fact alone makes it scarier than any song on these playlists.

Maybe this list was a bit random... any pop hits you can offer? Hope you've enjoyed the Halloween playlists for 2010!

Rock & Metal Halloween Playlist

When last we met, I said there was only one more Halloween Playlist to go. I lied. Why? Because I didn't offer you an appropriate amount of rock and metal songs. Metal in particular is a genre ripe with hundreds of songs you can play on Halloween. Everything's about death, mysticism and the supernatural. If you dust off some of your parentals old time rock and roll records you'll probably find some good stuff too. So without further ado, here's ten of the best.

Rock & Metal Halloween Playlist

Metallica - Enter Sandman

Don't fall asleep. The Sandman's coming to get you and it's not the nice one that leaves all that sleep junk in your eye. Perfect for Halloween, if only for the creepily effective use of the 'Hush Little Baby' lullaby and 'Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep' prayer.

AC/DC - Highway To Hell

There'll be that one guy at the party that will do air guitar to it and think he's awesome. Hopefully he'll be in a ridiculous costume.

Creedence Clearwater Revival - Bad Moon Rising

'Bad Moon Rising' is about Werewolves right?

Marilyn Manson - If I Was Your Vampire

How could you have a halloween party without some Manson? If you're willing to put this on at a party, why not go all out and throw on some Slipknot and Rammstein too!

Rob Zombie - Dragula

If you didn't read the last edition... his name has Zombie in it! You can't go wrong.

Johnny Cash - Ghost Riders In The Sky

One for all the cowboys at the party. For where there is a costume party, there is a cowboy. And at least three pirates. And one Joker.

Pantera - Cemetery Gates

People should write more songs about cemeteries. That's not a weird thing to say. Maybe a little.

Alice Cooper - Feed My Frankenstein

There's so many Alice songs you could use. 'Welcome To My Nightmare' and 'Poison' would also be awesome. But, if you're trying to mix it up as much as possible, stick with 'Feed My Frankenstein.' Hopefully there's someone dressed as Frankenstein's monster and you can literally feed them.

Meat Loaf - Bat Out of Hell

Just don't play 'I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That).' Yes, there's a time and place for it... just not at a Halloween party.

Kidney Thieves - Before I'm Dead

Eh, I like it. It was played at the end of Queen of the Damned. Lestat > Edward.

Ok, so one more playlist to go. The more pop-ish/random one and you're going to love it. No, seriously. Please come back....

Classic Halloween Playlist

Welcome back. Today we're going to be taking a look at our second Halloween themed playlist for the year. You may remember the first one, Hipster Halloween, which looked at some appropriate music that the "cooler" members of society could play for their "friends" at their Halloween par-tays this year. Par-tay may not be a hip word so you might have to use shindig or box social. The songs you'll find in this playlist are more fun. There's some cheesy numbers, some TV themes and some all time classics. What they all have in common is that they are perfectly suited to be played throughout the Halloween season. Let's get to it!

Classic Halloween Playlist

Michael Jackson - Thriller

Does this need an explanation? Wait until everyone is (un)acceptably inebriated, put this song on and watch the beauty of drunks trying to do the 'Thriller' dance. Make sure you have a camera ready to film it too.

Frank-N-Furter - Sweet Transvestite

Chances are someone's going to be in a Rocky Horror inspired costume, so let them have their moment to shine by playing some of the musical's best songs. Start with 'Sweet Transvestite' and then let's do the 'Time Warp' again.

The Nightmare Before Christmas - This Is Halloween

Alternatively, you could use Marilyn Mansons's version of the song. Even better, use both!

Mark Snow - The X-Files

Is there a TV theme spookier than The X-Files? Well, Lost's is pretty spooky, but that goes for about two seconds, so we're going to need something that will last a little bit longer.

Aqua - Halloween

Did somebody order cheese? Complete with the worst version of the Scream phone call opening, this is one of the most horrible songs of all time. But it's perfect for Halloween.

Bobby Pickett - The Monster Mash

Again, much better when everyone's a bit tipsy. Crazy people in costumes busting out their best 60s moves. Dracula doing the twist, a mummy doing that weird swimming move and the loser in the ghost costume doing probably nothing because you can't tell what they're doing anyway under that sheet. If you're lucky, someone will know how to do the actual monster mash and try to get everyone to do it with them... and fail.

White Zombie - I'm Your Boogie Man

Rob Zombie's great. And his name and his band's name have zombie in it. You can't go wrong.

Greenskeepers - Lotion

It still worries me that these guys made a song about Buffalo Bill. Anyway, it's another perfect song for Halloween that's hilarious if you don't think about how messed up it is.

Roisin Murphy - Ramalama (Bang Bang)

If you want to impress people at your party, make sure you learn the choreography in the video above. Shouldn't be too hard.

A Nightmare on Elm Street Theme

Play this while guests are arriving to the party to get everyone in that spooky mood. This may or may not cause them to drink more to ease the terrifying feeling that will wash over them. It's probably best you don't let anyone pass out though. You can still have nightmares when you pass out, right?

Another playlist down and there's only one more to go. Next time I'll be picking out a whole random bunch of songs, mostly popular ones, that you can play on All Hallows' Eve. Oh, if you run into Freddy Krueger in your dreams tonight, not my fault, but I hope you survive.

Hipster Halloween

Everyone's (my) favourite time of year is almost here. Halloween! The perfect excuse for everyone to get dressed up and get messy. Not that anyone really needs an excuse anymore, but at least on Halloween there's candy. For those of you that are planning some sort of par-tay but find yourself stuck with what music to play because you think you're too cool to put on The Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack or The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack, never fear, for I am here to help you out with the very first Hipster Halloween playlist! Songs from some of the coolest acts in music that you likely won't be embarrassed to play to your uber-cool "friends." Now, for the few normal people out there that don't mind the cheesy (aka awesome) Halloween music, don't worry, because I'll be showing some of that over the next couple of days.

Hipster Halloween 2010

Kasabian - Vlad the Impaler

See, Kasabian are hip. They're not content to call the Prince of Darkness (no, not Ozzy Osbourne) by his more fashionable, popular name. They're going with his birth name. That's pretty damn hip, right hipsters? I'm turning my sarcasm switch off to say that this is a great tune and one of the best that Kasabian have graced us with.

Kanye West ft. Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj, Rick Ross & Bon Iver - Monster

Nicki Minaj - "Ok first things first I'll eat your brains, then I'mma start rocking gold teeth and fangs, cause that's what a motherf***ing monster do, hairdresser from Milan that's the monster do, monster Giuseppe heel that's the monster shoe." Minaj is clearly a fan of the classic horror monsters.

Cat Power - The Werewolf

Because where there are vampires, there are werewolves. Underworld, Twilight, The Vampire Diaries... it's all about vampires fighting werewolves. So you need a werewolf song. But it's got to be hip. Who's more hip than Cat Power? Case closed.

The Wombats - Tokyo (Vampires & Wolves)

Did I not just tell you that where there are vampires, there are wereWolves?

Ladytron - Ghosts

Ghosts. When you see people dressed as them on Halloween, you can't help but think of them as lazy doucebags. Oh, you threw a sheet over yourself and cut some holes in it for eyes? A for effort!

Radiohead - Bodysnatchers

Invasion of the? Yeah, no, 'Bodysnatchers' really has nothing to do with that. But it's Radiohead and if there's one thing I've learnt, it's that no matter how bad a Radiohead song or album is, you've got to call it the best thing ever. That right there... that's hip my friends.

The HorrorPops - Walk Like A Zombie

Zombies are just the coolest. I'm considering being one for Halloween, so if you know how to create the illusion of a ripped off jaw without, you know, actually having it ripped off then let me know! Most of your "friends" won't know this song and there's nothing more hip than knowing music your "friends" don't.

Metric - Monster Hospital (MSTRKRFT Remix)

Remixes are hip, the song's about a hospital occupied by monsters. Win.

Bloc Party - Hunting For Witches

Where are all the witches at? I'm being serious, witches used to be everywhere. Currently, I can think of two; Bonnie on The Vampire Diaries and Bellatrix Lestrange in Harry Potter. Bellatrix is pretty awesome (but that's only because Helena Bonham Carter is awesome) but there's a serious lack of cool witches out there.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Skeletons

And we have ten songs. Not the world's biggest playlist, but that's like an hour. Your "friends" will be bored after an hour anyway and want to move onto somewhere a little more... hip? This post has been fun, it's combined some of my (everyone's) favourite things; music, Halloween and sarcasm. Stick around, because we'll be looking at some cheesy/awesome music you can bust out on Halloween too!